We all have dreams of our perfect life. Some girls just want to get married and be a mom. Some imagine themselves in business suits and the recognition that comes with an executive’s lifestyle. Me? I’ve wanted to be a full-time writer and ministry director for years. But what do you do when God answers those prayers and gives you what you want, but it’s not like you thought it would be?
When you imagine kissing your handsome husband and holding your angelic newborn, the image is always camera ready. The sun is shining. The house is perfect. Everyone is in matching clothes. You don’t imagine not sleeping for more than two hours at a time for weeks, showering every other day if you’re lucky, a screaming child, a crying mother, a husband that questions your sanity, and every dish in the house sitting on the counter waiting to be washed.
When you plan the decor for your corner office, you probably aren’t thinking about the long hours, the backbiting office gossip, the IT guy that you suspect is stalking you, and the admin assistant that hates you.
In my dreams, I imagined living in a house on the beach, going for an early morning walk to clear my mind then sitting down for several hours of quiet Bible study and writing. I imagined publishers vying over my newest book. I imagined being at the top of the New York Times Bestseller list and speaking around the country to women in need of encouragement.
Reality is nothing like I imagined.
I have been given a wonderful gift. I have the opportunity to be a full-time writer. But with that comes trying to figure out how to live in a house that isn’t mine and navigating a new relationship with my father without my mother. I get to set my own schedule, which is lovely, but very strange and awkward after so many years of having someone else dictate when and where to go to work and what time my evening events were to take place. I have persistent doubts about the e-books I’m preparing to self-publish and constantly question if my writing will ever have a God exalting impact in anyone’s life.
I got what I wanted…and it’s terrifying.
Some people think that God withholds things from us or gives us what we want in a way that we never imagined to mess with us. They reduce God to a capricious genie in a bottle with themselves as the master. When things don’t turn out the way they imagined, they get mad at God, abandon their families, or try new occupations, all in an effort to find this elusive thing we call happiness.
This is what happened time and again with the Israelites. They wanted released from the slavery of Egypt, but when freedom didn’t turn out to be like they dreamed, they complained and talked of returning to bondage. They asked for a king and became unhappy under faulty leadership and heavy taxes. Psalm 106:13-15 records:
They soon forgot His works; They did not wait for His counsel,
But lusted exceedingly in the wilderness, and tested God in the desert.
And He gave them their request, but sent leanness into their soul. (NKJV)
I don’t mean to imply that God always gives us what we want to teach us a lesson or because we are acting out of rebellious hearts. My point is that no matter how glorious we imagine the grass to be on the other side of where we are now, there will always be some form of stinky fertilizer to face. God doesn’t do this to punish us, but to help us rely on Him in every aspect of our lives. I believe God’s desire is to train us to keep our eyes on Him without His having to put obstacles in our way to force us to our knees.
A few things to remember if your life is less than you imagined it would be:
- Nothing is ever as good as it seems. That yoga mom that rocks a size 2 and perfect makeup? She has her days of puking inconsolable children too. That best selling author you follow? You don’t know how many years he has been trying to perfect his craft and how many rejection letters he’s cried over. Give yourself grace. (Psalm 31:23)
- Nothing is ever as bad as it seems either. Storms come, and they may be fierce, but they are always temporary. The afternoon showers and the hurricane both have a time limit. You will get through your storm if you don’t give up. Cling to God. He is the rock that will keep you steady. (Isaiah 26:3-4)
- God isn’t messing with you. God does not rejoice in our sorrow. Scripture makes it clear that He cares when our hearts are broken (Psalm 56:8), and He desires good for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11). He may be allowing a trial to refine you more into His image, but He does this out of love, and not evil.
- Every good thing takes time, patience, love, and hard work to develop. Paintings, piano concertos, marriages, children, jobs, books, ministries…they all have to be formed over time. Rushing the process, taking shortcuts, and quitting all end up hurting you as the co-creator with God and result in substandard outcomes. If you desire a beautiful (fill in the blank as you choose) that will bless and encourage others, you must submit to God and allow Him to orchestrate the process as He sees fit. (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
God makes all things beautiful in His time. If it isn’t beautiful yet, it isn’t time. Trust God, trust His process, and trust yourself. God is doing a good work in and through you. (Hebrews 13:20-21)