I used to call my mom almost every day. Not out of obligation, but because I truly enjoyed her. We would chat about the weather, what book she was reading, what project I was working on, and any other randomness that came to mind. I loved hearing her voice. I always knew that I might live alone, but no matter what happened, good or bad, she would be there to laugh or cry with me even though we were often nearly 700 miles apart.
This weekend I drove to North Carolina to help my sister with my niece’s graduation party. I so badly wanted to call my mom and tell her all about it. She would have laughed at the frosting fiasco. (Corn flour does not make a good substitute for powdered sugar in case you were wondering.) She would have been so pleased to know the scrapbook paper she gave to Brooke before she passed away was used for the decorations. After the party she would have played cards with my sister and I, joining us in eating too many leftover cupcakes and laughing until we couldn’t breathe.
Absent in body but not in spirit
During the party, I walked around the room snapping pictures of everything, my eyes welling with tears thinking about the gaping hole Mom left in our lives when she went to heaven. Late that night, my sister reminded me that Mom was there with us in spirit and in love. She was a part of the paper banners and the photo display. Her Bible was a focal point with Brooke’s favorite verse highlighted in yellow from a time when it spoke to Mom during her personal devotions. Mom was all around us even though we couldn’t feel her presence.
This has given me yet another new perspective on Hebrews 13:5. I’ve written on the passage before, but this weekend I noticed the correlation between my Mom’s passing and Jesus’ ascension. Even though Jesus no longer walks this earth, He has promised to never leave us or forsake us. He is with us in the sunset and the rainbow, the opening flowers of spring and His written Word. His Holy Spirit hears our prayers, comforting us in our sorrow and giving us strength to face another day.
Lonely, but never alone
Someday I will see Jesus face to face. I will hug his neck and breathe in His scent just as I used to do every time I saw my Mom and exactly as I will again in heaven when I see her there. That will be a wonderfully joyful moment that I know I cannot fully understand while in this mortal condition. But today, I can rest in Jesus’ promise that He is with me. I can’t see Him, but He will never forsake me. At the moment of my salvation, I became His child. His DNA is part of my make up. His blood covered my sins and opened a channel of communication making it possible for Him to share in my joys and sympathize with my frustrations.
Today I can rest in Jesus' promise that He is with me. Click To Tweet
Brooke’s favorite verse is Zephaniah 3:17:
The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.
This is the God we serve. A mighty God who is with us always. He saves us in our deepest need and rejoices with us at the top of His lungs. He is our security. He is our Savior. He is our companion in life, death, resurrection, and graduation parties. I wouldn’t be surprised at all to learn that He and my Mom watched the whole event together, recounting all of Brooke’s special milestones and talking about her future.
There have been many moments in the last weeks when I have felt lonely and wished I could talk to my mom. I have questions to ask and situations I would like her perspective on. I imagine she would answer as she often did, “Just pray about it. God will show you what to do.” She hasn’t been wrong yet with that advice.
I might feel lonely, but I am never alone. In fact, if I listen closely…I can hear Him singing.