by Donya Dunlap | Jul 26, 2016 | Making a Difference, The Single Life
In my last post, I shared several ways couples can bless their single friends. Today I’d like to explore several ways singles can bridge the gaps between other life stage groups as well. Whether deserved or undeserved, singles often have the reputation of being self-focused. However, singles can take steps to live generously with their time, money, and resources. I believe this can be done in four main ways.
1: Service
Singles have the great benefit of setting their own schedules and committing to projects without worrying how it will impact their family schedule. Serving others requires nothing but time and a heart to be a blessing. Several ways that singles can serve other life stage groups include:
- Volunteering at church
- Housecleaning for senior citizens
- Making freezer meals for a new mom
- Ministering as a youth leader
- Doing yard work for a person with disabilities
The possibilities for service are endless. With prayer and a little open-eyed effort, God will provide singles areas of service that fit them well.
2: Sacrifice
Sacrifice is a scary word, but it doesn’t have to be. Think of it as a challenge. In what way can singles take service to the next level? Remember that living generously includes time, money, and resources. What resources can singles share with someone else?
- Visit house bound or nursing home bound individuals
- Be a Big Brother or Big Sister mentor
- Organize a fundraiser for a cancer patient
- Teach senior citizens how to connect with their families through social media
- Take a group of children berry picking
- Sponsor a child through Compassion International
Singles may not have a lot of money to give, or a lot of time to spare, but with a little creativity they can make great sacrifices for the kingdom.
3: Solidarity
Singles are often alone and lonely, but they don’t have to be. It seems natural for a married couple to be hospitable, but in Scripture, many singles opened their homes as well. Having a home need not be a prerequisite either. All singles need is a public space and a desire to connect.
- Start a book club
- Lead a Bible study
- Host a game or movie night
- Organize a picnic at a local park
- Take a group of teens bowling
- Organize a Mom’s Night Out
The key here is to go beyond a comfortable group of friends. Cross those life stage lines and bridge those generational gaps!
4: Sincerity
I recently discussed this in the post Handwritten Inspiration, but the power of words cannot be overstated. Singles can take initiative to bless those around them with the spoken or written word and change a life for the better. Words of kindness have been known to impact the direction of a child’s future or prevent suicide. Singles can spread seeds of kindness through:
- Thank you notes
- Written prayers
- Letters of appreciation
- Celebrating people in thankless jobs
Go beyond the like button and tweet. Grab a stack of notecards and a pen and make a difference in someone’s life today!
If we are to be an active, healthy body of Christ we must find ways to serve each other. We must break down the comfortable walls life stages naturally erect. There are no marital boundaries on generosity and hospitality. Singles can and should take the first step in bridging the social gaps in the church. Helping others is what being the body of Christ is all about.
The above are only a few suggestions out of innumerable ways singles can actively bless those around them. What ways have you been a blessing as a single or have received a blessing from a single? Leave a comment below to join the conversation.
by Donya Dunlap | Jul 20, 2016 | Making a Difference, The Single Life
As a single, my life is full of all the joy and blessings God has for me. I don’t consider myself a lesser person because I am not married, despite many of the messages I hear to the contrary. However, I admit that marriage provides certain benefits singles lack. Several benefits are simply inaccessible or inappropriate for singles to experience within the will of God. But there are at least four ways couples can share the love and companionship they experience in marriage with their single friends.
1: Safety
My most favorite home was a little craftsman bungalow in Anderson, South Carolina. It was the cutest, most personable place I have ever enjoyed, and also the least safe. Thankfully, I lived just around the corner from one of the pastors of the church I attended. He and his wife were friends and often encouraged me to call if I ever felt like I was in trouble. This was a wonderful way to provide for me in an area I lacked. You can help the singles in your life in a similar way.
- Be present during Craig’s List exchanges
- Help them evaluate the safety of a neighborhood before they move
- Keep their spare car and house keys
- Be an emergency contact
- Check their tire treads for wear
- Call them for a safety check during first dates
While our ultimate source of security should be Jesus, being a second layer of safety for a single can be a great support.
2: Sounding Board
When a person is contemplating a deep spiritual truth, a modern philosophy, or even a life change, it helps to talk with someone. You can be the sounding board your single friends need.
- Car shop with them
- Read and discuss books with them over coffee
- Help them reason through pros and cons in a time of decision making
You can tell a person to “call anytime” but unless a single truly feels that they won’t be interrupting your kid’s bedtime, they won’t call. Make sure they trust they can count on you, and always be honest if you are unavailable. Knowing that another person has a listening ear for them can give a single great peace of mind.
3: Someone to “Do Life” with
Obviously, couples have a greater advantage here, but it is possible to fill some of this need for singles as well. A few, simple ideas for doing life with a single include:
- Shopping
- Exercising
- Have a crock pot meals prep day
- Girls Night
- Road Trip!
- Paint a room
- Fixing a headlight
Singles aren’t looking to pull you away from your family indefinitely. They may even enjoy spending time with your family under certain circumstances. But while inviting them for dinner can make them feel like a “third wheel,” taking time to be with them on their turf can meet the need for companionship we all desire.
4: Spiritual Development
I am tempted to use the word “prodding” in place of development as couples have a built in “iron sharpening iron” situation. As my friend Christie put it, “when you are sleeping with someone and sharing toothbrush space, it gets real.” It takes more intentionality to provide this for a single, but there are several ways you can help a single go farther in their spiritual walk.
- Engage in purposeful spiritual discussion
- Ministry projects
- Fasting
- Praying
- Memorizing Scripture
While it is natural for couples to turn to each other for all of these needs, I challenge you to choose one way to bless a single this week as an act of service. Being the body of Christ means that we are all connected, married and single alike. Going outside of our comfort bubbles to help another Christian is what the church is all about.
Thankfully, I am greatly blessed in my friendships and am able to use many personal examples in the situations listed above. If you are a single that has experienced couples filling in gaps for you, I’d love to hear your stories below. And you couples are welcome to join the conversation too! We’re all family here.
by Donya Dunlap | Jul 13, 2016 | Bible Study, The Spiritual Life
The Bible is a collection of 66 books composed of multiple genres of literature. History, narrative, prophecy, law, wisdom, poetry, parable…even romance! Fiction, however, is not one of them.
Scripture details real events, with the exception of a few passages meant to be figurative. However, by approaching Scripture as a history book, we tend to adopt the attitude that we had in school—that studying is difficult and boring.
If this is how you’ve thought of studying Scripture, you are not alone. But even better news—Bible study is not algebra! Can I get an amen?
Studying Scripture can be fascinating and exciting—and there is absolutely a place for holy imagination. Shall we give it a try?
Biblical “Characters”
It is a common pitfall for fiction writers to go easy on their characters—not so in Scripture. The people in the Bible are just like we are—full of conflict and good intentions, regrets and personality quirks. All their dirty laundry is put on display.
Think about Peter walking the shores of Galilee after the resurrection. He is a tangled mess of emotions. He feels shame for betraying Jesus, relief that He is alive, embarrassment for returning to his old life, love for his friend and mentor, and hope that Jesus really will trust him enough to give him a place in His kingdom work. Can you feel his conflict?
Remember Hannah? We find her sobbing in the temple. She is desperate for a child, beaten down by the constant antagonism of her rival. Her husband doesn’t understand, her body won’t cooperate, and Eli, the priest, accuses her of being drunk. A short time later things start looking up and Hannah has a son, only she gives him away after he is weaned. Can you imagine doing the same?
Moses is hand picked by God for his leadership abilities, yet he had an explosive temper that caused him to go postal on a rock. As a result, he is forbidden from entering the promised land. And that’s after he kills a man, tries to cover it up, and lives as a fugitive for 40 years.
If you were the author…
If you were to write a novel, would you draft chapter after chapter preparing the reader for a coming King and then have Him show up as a helpless baby born in a cave? Then, just when things start turning around, He is killed by the people He was meant to lead. Jesus is not your normal protagonist.
Furthermore, who would invent a hero with super-human strength then have him lose that strength through the deception of a woman and die in captivity by pulling a building on to himself? Samson is probably not going to get picked up by Marvel anytime soon.
And what about David? His story starts out well. He’s the scrappy underdog who gains the favor of the people through his bravery and becomes everyone’s favorite king. But then he murders his lover’s husband and his son tries to kill him for the throne. That’s not a bad plot twist, but it’s certainly not the happy ending I would write. Still, we think of David today as a hero, not a villain.
Truth really is stranger than fiction.
Why does it matter?
There are two main reasons why I encourage studying Scripture through the lens of fiction.
- It pulls you into the story. Imagine the sights and sounds of Jerusalem at Passover. Breathe in the dust of the walls as you watch the bricks of Jericho’s walls crash into the desert sand. Feel the rough, hand sewn hem of Jesus’ robe as if you were the woman with the issue of blood, desperate for healing. By immersing yourself in the text, you give yourself new eyes to see the familiar stories, and provide an opportunity for the Holy Spirit to speak to you in fresh ways.
- It provides discussion points with unbelievers. Christians believe the Bible to be truth, but there are many that feel the Bible is just a collection of ancient fairy tales. If you find yourself in a friendly conversation with someone holding this belief, ask them if they would write their memoir like the Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John did. If I was writing my memoir, I would probably leave out all the whining, the times when I just didn’t understand what was happening, and the personal failures. The disciples didn’t. Why would they include these details if they weren’t true?
Dust off your imagination!
Timothy tells us that God gave us His word so we will grow in knowledge and service. To do that, we must read and study it.
All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17
The next time you open the Bible, I challenge you to put yourself in the story and watch it come alive before your eyes. But be warned—it will change your life in the process.
Join the conversation! Write your thoughts and Bible study tips in the comments below.
by Donya Dunlap | Jul 8, 2016 | Book Reviews, Making a Difference, Modern Day Slavery
Before jumping into the review for Unashamed, I’d like to give you a little backstory on how the author’s ministry has personally impacted my life.
I learned of Christine Caine through video of the Passion Conference several years ago. At that time, I had not heard the words “human trafficking.” I didn’t know that there are approximately 27 million people enslaved today, more slaves now than at any other time in history.1 I had no idea that Atlanta, a city I had lived in for five years, was one of the 14 leading cities in the United States for commercial sex trafficking of children.2 All of this changed during the 40+ minutes of that video.
God interrupted my blissfully ignorant existence that day and broke my heart. Christine taught on the Good Samaritan and shared her testimony of how she came to start the A21 Campaign—a bold mission striving to abolish injustice in the 21st century. As she spoke, God used her passion to expand my desire to reach women for Christ. My life will never be the same. For that, I am eternally grateful.
Since then, Christine has written three books detailing much of her story: Undaunted, Unstoppable, and Unashamed. I have found her written words to be just as powerful and directed by the Holy Spirit as her spoken words. She has also recently started Propel Women—a ministry targeted at raising up godly women leaders. I encourage you to familiarize yourself with both ministries mentioned and all of her books.
Unashamed
In her latest book, Unashamed, Christine shares how Satan began to bind her with cords of shame in kindergarten. Instead of making new friends as she had hoped, she became a target for bullying her very first lunch period. She compensated for her hurt and loneliness by excelling in academics and athletics. But rather than receiving praise for her accomplishments, she was told that good Greek girls weren’t supposed to be smarter and more accomplished than the boys. She was shamed into hiding her true self. In addition to her struggles at school, Christine began to be sexually abused as well. Even after coming to know Christ personally, her pain, fear, and unforgiveness held her in bondage.
Throughout the book, Christine shares how God lead her step by step into freedom. It didn’t happen all at once. God, our Good Shepherd, leads us gently out of our past and into our future. But over time, the Holy Spirit helped her to forgive those that had damaged her. His power broke the chains of her shame, allowing her to walk freely in Jesus’ name.
This book will surprise you
To be honest, I first bought Unashamed because I wanted to use up a gift card. I didn’t think I needed it. I was wrong. God used it to show me I have unknowingly been walking in shame in certain areas for years. Unashamed stirred within me a desire for healing in these areas. I know that God wants me to be free, and I know that my ministry will be greater for it. I am choosing now to take a hard look at my past through the lens of the biblical principles Christine used for her own healing.
Whether or not the subject matter speaks to you, I encourage you to read this book. At the very least, you will be blessed by Christine’s journey of forgiveness and freedom. Hopefully, you will also embark on your own.
*Affiliate links used above
by Donya Dunlap | Jul 5, 2016 | The Spiritual Life
Have you ever wished that you could be invisible? I have. I’ve wished I had the magic of a two-year-old playing a game of peek-a-boo—I could cover my eyes and make the world go away. As adults we think children who “hide” in plain sight are adorable. We don’t realize we play the same game with God under a different name—church face.
What is church face?
It’s that little game made popular in Egypt…denial. (I couldn’t help myself) We plaster that fake smile on our faces, grab our Bibles, dust off our spiritual catch phrases, and pretend like everything between us and God is a-okay. It’s one of the worst states in which we can find ourselves. We can’t correct what we won’t admit is a problem…and this is a big problem.
If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. 1 John 1:8, 10
Church face is different from saving face.
Sometimes we play church face out of self-preservation. I get that. I’ve played a lot of church face just to get through a worship service without crying. I’m not talking about social niceties and salvaging your makeup. The problem comes when we come before the throne of God with our masks on.
Sometimes we find ourselves praying in handmade, fig leaf dresses just like Eve did. We think things like, “I don’t really need to confess that…it’s really not that bad.” or “I can’t give this dream to God. What if He doesn’t allow it to come to pass?” These thoughts…these accusations…reveal that we lack understanding of the true nature of our Heavenly Father who seeks to grow us in love and give us all good things.
We can’t live in freedom if we don’t wash our church face off. Denial may keep our internal boat from rocking too uncomfortably, but it will drown us, keeping us from our destination of fruitfulness in Christ.
The key is seeing God for Who He truly is.
As Jesus followers, God is no longer our Judge, Jury and Executioner. The payment for sin was made on the cross. Our debts have been paid in full! The Apostle Paul assures us that…
Our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who has died has been set free from sin. Romans 6:6-7
We have been set free, but living this out takes action on our side. We have to implement the truth. Each time we choose to be honest before the Father, He draws us into deeper fellowship with Him.
This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. 1 John 1:5-7
Scripture doesn’t say that we are to be perfect. It says that we are to be honest. In order for God to walk with us, we must choose to walk in the light of His Word. We must confess our faults and dreams to Him. We must give Him permission to release our chains and wipe clean our church face.
Swap your church face for a welcome mat.
Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. Revelation 3:20
God is knocking on your heart’s door, but you hold the key. You must accept that God’s love does not grow based on our goodness. He knows the secret places of your heart and loves you still. Why not invite him into those places and infuse them with the light of His truth? It seems scary and painful, but by opening that door, you will find freedom. And freedom is so much more beautiful than church face.
