by Donya Dunlap | Mar 3, 2015 | Forgetting the Fairy Tale, The Single Life, The Spiritual Life
When you write a book on singleness, you become an accidental expert on all things relating to love and dating. This is partially terrifying and mostly heartbreaking. I say terrifying because I am absolutely NOT an expert…on anything. It’s heartbreaking because of the kinds of questions people come to me with at times.
In today’s culture, intimacy in relationship is assumed, the why’s and how’s discussed in every medium. Virginity is considered a myth or mocked as a useless bauble. Those that choose to hold tightly to it are ridiculed as childish, foolish, or undesirable. Why treasure a plastic trinket when you can have a different glittering jewel every night of the week?
Even many Christians believe celibacy outside of marriage is an old-fashioned, Old Testament rule that does not apply to today. Some trying to follow God’s plan wonder if doing so will sabotage them out of the happy ending that everyone else appears to be getting. They wonder, if a person withholds their bodies for their mate, what chance do they have in ever getting one? In essence, they are asking…can I trust God with my sexuality?
Oh it doesn’t seem like that on the surface, but all of the what/if’s and if/then’s all boil down to one thing…this God that invented love, and sex, and marriage…this Creator that made my body and my hormones…this Savior that has given guidelines for living that run in complete contrast to the culture…does He really know what is best for me? Does He truly have my happiness in mind? Is my virginity, my sexuality, this mysterious thing that feels at times like such a heavy burden–is it really as precious as He says it is?
The struggle is intricately tied to our innermost desires for intimacy and acceptance. But, despite what all the magazines, books, and movies tell us, great sex is not the answer to the storm that rages in our hearts. To God, it isn’t even the main point of marriage.
Sex is a gift. A precious gift intended to melt two hearts, two bodies, and two souls together in a way that no other thing can. God designed it that way. He created the pheromones and synapses that send us unending messages of promise and desire. God imagined the nerve endings and chemical reactions that make the physical experience so satisfying and enjoyable. And to the woman who struggles with the physical ache of an empty bed and the emotional pain of rejection, the One who keeps this gift from her may seem cruel and careless, as if her happiness and fulfillment are nothing more than a carrot on a string.
But the bottom line is simply that God’s ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our fallen reasonings. He can see the big picture. We can’t. It comes down to a matter of trust. Regardless of what we think is best, or even fair, God asks us to trust Him with our bodies and our sexuality.
There are many reasons to argue for the benefits of virginity from scientific, medical, and psychological perspectives…each capable of filling many empty pages of many books. But all the arguments pale in comparison to the purity of Christ, His sacrifice for us, and His simple question…Do you trust me?
Embracing virginity is simply embracing Christ.
It is a surrender of your will to His. The benefits are many and perhaps a more detailed discussion is appropriate for another time. For today, I encourage you to search your heart. Do you believe that God has your best in mind? Are you willing to bow your knee to His wisdom despite your inner yearnings? Do you trust Him?
Photo credit: Glenn Franco Simmons / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA
by Donya Dunlap | Jan 19, 2015 | Random
Other people are drifting off to Never Land, but you’ve just gotten a fresh burst of energy. Your mind is racing with creative ideas. You eagerly begin jotting down notes and head to your computer only to catch a glimpse of the clock…
{sigh}
…it’s time for bed. In order to be somewhat human the next day you know you need a certain amount of sleep, and in order to get that you have to go to bed. You shut down your computer and pray that the inspiration you just received will linger until morning, knowing full well it’s hopping a red-eye flight to San Diego as you brush your pearly whites. As you set your three alarms and hope that you will be conscious enough to not shut them off in your sleep you wonder…
Can a night owl become a morning person?
Is it really possible? You know the internet is rife with articles that claim you can “trick yourself into becoming a morning person” and “anyone can be a morning person” given enough discipline and caffeine. Can it be true?
For all of you weary-eyed wonderers, I am here to set the record straight.
The answer is NO.
Oh sure, there are ways to reset your circadian clock with a strict schedule of eating, sleeping, and screen limitations. Theoretically, if you never work late, never sleep in on Saturdays, or basically never have a real life at all, you can adjust your bodies’ rhythm–but who wants to go through all of that?
Can there be an alternate solution to the three hour out-of-body experience every morning?
Thankfully, the answer to this question is YES!
A friend recently suggested I ease into the morning with music. I love music so this would normally be a good suggestion except that before 10:00 a.m. and a large serving of caffeine, this is me:
thanks to Jeff Dunham for making me laugh every time I hear this
However, I was willing to try just about anything to ease the pain that my alarm causes my sensibilities, so I gave it a try. Several weeks ago I set a Pandora Radio alarm to wake me with soft instrumental Christmas music. Today I graduated to reflective worship music.
The first song came through as an unidentifiable blur, but the second and third songs that played are two of my favorites. I can’t imagine a better way to start a Monday than with these words:
There’s a peace I’ve come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There’s an anchor for my soul
I can say “It is well”
Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles’ wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin
And this beautiful prayer:
Speak, O Lord, as we come to You
To receive the food of Your Holy Word.
Take Your truth, plant it deep in us;
Shape and fashion us in Your likeness,
That the light of Christ might be seen today
In our acts of love and our deeds of faith.
Speak, O Lord, and fulfill in us
All Your purposes for Your glory.
Speak O Lord by Keith and Kristyn Getty
I am happy to report that listening to God-honoring music in the morning has helped awaken my mind and my spirit, even on a Monday! It may take a little effort to resist the urge to return to silence, but if you allow the truths of God’s Word to wash over you–even at 6:40 a.m.–they will minister to your soul.
Are you a night owl with a tried and true method of making mornings easier? If so, share your secrets in the comments! I’d love to hear from you.
by Donya Dunlap | Oct 8, 2014 | The Spiritual Life
Have you ever wondered what makes some people appear so happy and perfect all the time? Usually you run into these people on a day when absolutely everything is going wrong. Am I right?
Photo credit: cogdogblog / Foter / CC BY-SA
The dog and/or child had an accident. The bill that you don’t have money for came in the mail. You’re out of gas and have two days left before payday. You spilled coffee on your outfit on your way out the door…when you are running too late to change. And in your frazzled state of half panic you run into that person that appears to walk on sunshine and dance with unicorns on a daily basis. They never have a bad day, they never spill coffee on themselves, and their children are angelic creatures of the Gerber variety.
On days like THIS…
when encountering people like THAT…
you want to SLAP them.
Or at least I do. But instead you smile, chat pleasantly for a few moments while hoping they don’t notice that you look like you’ve walked through a car wash, and walk away feeling like the worst possible version of yourself (bonus points if you recognize the movie reference). That coffee stain feels like it is seeping into your very soul. You question your value as an employee, as a mother, as a human being. You wonder if your life will ever amount to anything.
On days like this…
…it is so important to preach truth to yourself. (I wrote more on this subject a while back…as in before I knew blog posts weren’t supposed to be an online equivalent to book chapters. It’s long, but if you are up for the challenge, you can read that post here.)
On days like this…REMEMBER…
Happiness is a fragile commodity.
Perfection is an illusion.
You are beautiful.
You are loved.
You are priceless.
How do I know?
Because Jesus paid the price for you with His life…a cost beyond comprehension.
It’s easy to believe you are worthless, washed up, beyond repair, good for nothing. It’s easy to believe because the Enemy constantly tells you these lies. He repeats them so often that they sound like truth. And with the lies he presents “evidence” of all the places where you don’t measure up. It’s easy to start nodding your heart in agreement with him. It’s hard to stand up on the inside and whisper, “you’re wrong.” But stand we must.
Romans 8:26-39
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. 31
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword (or coffee stains or blow out diapers)? 36 As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Need the highlight reel? Here it is.
The Holy Spirit is our Helper. He navigates us through the messes of our days and nights. The very Spirit of the Almighty God is our strength. Regardless of what anyone says or thinks, God gave His Son for you and it is His job to judge us, not our chipper cheerleader neighbor lady’s job and not our job. Christ does not condemn us. He died and our condemnation died with Him. When we accept Him as our Savior we accept His life as our own. Our worth is wrapped up in His worth, and nothing else. Not our appearance, not our talent, not our personality, not our accomplishments, not anything. Through His power and with His approval smiling down on us, we can courageously raise our weary heads, wipe the coffee stains off our blouses, and step into our days knowing that we might not feel like enough, but we are more than conquerors through Him.
by Donya Dunlap | Jul 1, 2014 | The Spiritual Life
Occasionally I will read a passage and it resonates with me so deeply I rehearse the words over and over again for days. This past week, Psalm 33 has been that passage for me. The psalm is a patchwork of praise and prompting, reminding us of God’s great power and the grace He gives to those who trust Him. The following verses have especially captured my thinking:
The king is not saved by his great army; a warrior is not delivered by his great strength. The war horse is a false hope for salvation, and by its great might it cannot rescue. Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear him, on those who hope in his steadfast love, that he may deliver their soul from death and keep them alive in famine. – Psalm 33:16-19
During this week of celebration of American independence, I am struck by the paradox these verses present to the American Christian. American’s are known for their stubborn tenacity. We are pioneers. We are taught from a young age to persevere in the midst of difficulty to achieve our goals and dreams. Unfortunately, American Christians tend to bring that same determination into their faith. Instead of a deep dependence on God, we tend to only turn to God when all else fails. Instead of a fluid relationship, we substitute a false religion. We look at our abilities and in comparison trust and reliance seem counter-intuitive. I often wonder if we don’t appear to God as toddling children declaring, “I do it myself.”
What seems so natural to us is the exact opposite of what God desires for His children. The Psalmist reminds us of the futility of relying on our own strength and resources instead of on God’s unlimited supply of both by using battle imagery. In today’s world we might substitute armies for teams, warriors for players, and horses for pigskins. In fact, the underdog stories are the ones we enjoy hearing the most aren’t they? Why is that? Our hearts resonate with the underdog because they have overcome impossible odds to reach victory. They give us hope and excite our imaginations. We all have had our moments of feeling like David facing Goliath and we are encouraged that the mighty warrior can indeed be defeated.
The Psalmist understood that the Christian’s strength comes from a source outside of ourselves. Instead of building a bigger army, trying harder, and trusting in our strengths, our victory is centered in the fear of God. Our humility and hope in God’s love, strength, and help is what will deliver us in our dark hours. Our dependence on God is also what will draw others to Him as we navigate through this life as salt and light to our generation. It’s time to lose our religion and enter into real relationship with Jesus.
My pastor, Brian Norris, has touched on this theme the past two weeks in his sermon series “Losing Your Religion.” I encourage you to take some time to listen as you go about your day and be encouraged in the intimate, personal God that desires real relationship with His children.
Photo credit: mdanys / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC BY 2.0)
by Donya Dunlap | Apr 4, 2014 | The Spiritual Life
My friend Nathan has a completely magical way with children. (Literally…he uses magic in his presentations. He is a missionary to Brazil, by the way, and you should connect with him here and watch a video about his ministry here. If you’re lucky, he might make you a balloon animal.)
When Nathan begins to talk to a group of little ones, he tells them that they are going to play a game during his talk. Nathan knows that a child’s eyes and ears are connected. If they are not looking at him, they are not hearing what he is saying. He tells them that every time he says the word “eyeballs” they are to connect their eyes to his and say “CLICK!” Let’s practice, okay?
Eyeballs!
Nathan’s attention grabbing game is similar to what God does with us. God knows that grown-ups are basically kids at heart. Sometimes we get distracted and we lose our focus. We need to reconnect with Him to be engaged with His Spirit and to hear Him when He speaks to us. That is why you will read frequently in Scripture God telling people to lift up their eyes. God is also referred to as the lifter of our heads. When we get worn down, tired, and distracted, our eyes follow our thoughts. We start looking at our circumstances and our to-do lists instead of focusing our eyes on the One who is our help.
Earlier today I felt God saying to me, “Donya…eyeballs!” I woke tired and the cloudy day had me looking inward and toward the end of the day instead of the present. When God nudged my heart, I literally looked up from what I was doing and refocused my eyes. Do you know what I saw?
Cherry blossoms blowing in the wind. Hints of blue sky. A beautiful spring day.
What a difference from the gray morning I had been trudging through!
God desires to be in constant communication with us. He encourages us to pray without ceasing and to take our troubles to Him. He wants us to look up from our daily tasks and admire His creation. God knows that a deep breath of spring air and a face held up to sunshine can re-calibrate a soul. These are gifts He gives to us every day, but how many times do we notice them?
As we head into the weekend, I encourage you to take time to “click” with God. Take a walk. Open the windows and turn up the music. Sing in the shower. Make a special recipe. With each breath, thank God for His gifts of sight, taste, touch, and beauty. Connect with your Creator and tune in to what He may be trying to say to you.
Eyeballs…click!
Photo credit: Lotus Carroll / Foter / Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-NC-SA 2.0)
