by donyadunlap | Apr 21, 2012 | How Great is Our God, The Spiritual Life
This post is the third in a series of truths that the Lord has really been revealing to me in new and personal ways of late. The first initial thought is that death is a gift and when we break down that idea further we find that through death we are also given hope in and intimacy with Christ. There is one final thought that I have been considering regarding this topic and that is through death we find healing.
I know that may sound like an oxymoron to you. If one is dead, there is no healing going on. Whatever sickness or injury they had was so severe that it resulted in a total system shut-down. There is no recovery period for death. It’s the end of all things…or is it?
Every spring we celebrate the death, burial and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is a combination of all the worst and all the best of the history of humanity. At the beginning of the week Jesus is ushered into Jerusalem as a local hero and celebrity. At the end of that week He is betrayed by one in His inner circle, falsely accused and arrested, abandoned by His friends, forced to endure a humiliating trial that was rigged from the beginning, then whipped within an inch of His life by Roman soldiers who were skilled in creating as much pain as possible without killing a person. Following that He could have been released, but due to the cowardice of the political leaders of the day and the manipulation of the spiritual leaders of the Jews, His life was traded for a well-known criminal and Jesus was crucified. After He was declared dead, Joseph of Arimathaea and Nicodemus quickly bound His body with spices and laid Jesus in a nearby tomb so that they would not defile the Sabbath day…and that was it. At the end of His perfectly sinless and selfless life He enjoyed a brief moment of celebration and then a whirlwind execution to be hurriedly thrown into the side of a hill to decompose. His followers were left confused and grieving with nowhere to turn. But what seemed like the end of all things to them was only the beginning.
On the morning of the third day, just before dawn, Mary Magdalene came with two other ladies to the tomb with the intention of properly preparing Jesus’ body for burial. When they arrived, they found the massive stone that was protecting the opening of the tomb had been rolled away and Jesus was gone. John chapter 20 tells us that Mary ran to tell Peter and John that someone had moved the body and together they returned to the tomb. The men were in and out. They saw the head cloth folded neatly and laid apart from the rest of the rags and that was all they needed. They rushed out to find the other disciples, not stopping to explain what they had seen. It seems that Mary’s helpers followed the two disciples leaving her alone in her grief.
Mary was familiar with loneliness and pain. When she met Jesus she was possessed with seven demons. Based on other Scriptural accounts we know that this kind of affliction was often accompanied by physical pain, some kind of handicap such as blindness or deafness, and even mental torment that today we would call clinical insanity. Just the presence of one demon within a person could have any or all of these effects, so imagine Mary’s pitiful state by being inflicted with seven such spirits. What friends or family would stand by one in such a condition? What happiness could a person feel when burdened with so much evil? Mary lived every single moment in utter torment until she met the Savior.
Jesus released her from her hell on earth and with that healing came joy unspeakable and eternal gratitude. From then on, Mary could be found following the footsteps of Jesus. If she wasn’t at His side ministering to Him in some capacity, she wasn’t far away. Rather than wallowing in the shame and guilt of her former life of bondage, Mary lived in freedom, whole-heartedly serving the One that had delivered her. She devoted her whole life to Him. She ministered to Him as part of the band of followers that traveled with Him and she is even named as one that stood by Him as He was dying. When the men took Jesus from the cross, Mary followed them to the tomb so that she could come back later and give His body the proper burial it deserved. But now, she couldn’t administer this final show of love to Him because He wasn’t there. The tomb was empty and Mary was beside herself.
Stooping to look into the tomb again she saw two angels sitting on either side of the bench that had been carved out of the rock where the body was laid. She was so upset that rather than being startled at seeing these beings that were not there moments before, she simply replied to their question of why she was crying. “Because they have taken away my Lord, and I know not where they have laid him.” She was focused on Jesus and only Jesus, even in her deepest grief. Turning away from them she saw a man and assumed He was the keeper of the garden where the tomb was located. Hoping that He might have some answers for her she said, “Sir, if thou have borne him hence, tell me where thou hast laid him, and I will take him away.”
And then came the moment that changed everything. With all of the love and gentleness that He had for this faithful follower, He spoke her name. “Mary.” Through the tears that clouded her eyes, through the pain that tore at her heart, and through the grief that had her soul in turmoil pierced the voice of her Savior. There was only One that had ever said her name with such love. Only One had ever shown her such gentleness and kindness despite her past. “Rabboni!”
That moment is one of the dearest in all of Scripture to me. It speaks to me for several reasons. This moment was the very first time Jesus revealed Himself to someone after His resurrection. There were many other times in the days to follow, but He chose Mary to be the first. The Scriptures do not explain why He chose Mary, but I believe it was because of her great love and faithfulness to Him. He was the focus of her love and devotion. He had healed her physically from the grasp of the demons, and with His death and resurrection, He had healed her spiritually so that she might live with Him forever. Her cry of joy brings a smile to my face every time I think of it. I hope such moments are recorded for us in Heaven. I have played the scene over and over in my mind, but I would love to see it take place with my own eyes.
But there is more to this scene than this wonderful display of love and devotion. There is a little mystery too. In this case and in several other instances where Jesus appeared to people after His resurrection, His followers didn’t immediately recognize Him. Part of Mary’s lack of understanding, I believe, is due to her extreme grief. When you are really upset, not only is it hard to see or focus on anything, but things that are happening around you aren’t really registering in your mind. So I can understand why His first words to her didn’t register until He said her name. But I also believe that Jesus didn’t look quite the same. The extreme torture that He endured during the beating and execution would have severely mangled His body, but there is no mention of Him looking distorted except for the holes where the nails pierced His hands and feet, and where the spear pierced His side. When I think about that, I am reminded of the lyrics of the song “Heal the Wound” sung by Point of Grace. I think that if Mary Magdalene was alive today, this would be her favorite song.
I used to wish that I could rewrite history
I used to dream that each mistake could be erased
Then I could just pretend
I never knew the me back then
I used to pray that You would take this shame away
Hide all the evidence of who I’ve been
But it’s the memory of
The place You brought me from
That keeps me on my knees
And even though I’m free
Heal the wound but leave the scar
A reminder of how merciful You are
I believe that Jesus left the scars of the nails and the spear to remind us of how merciful He is. For all of eternity He will bear the scars of my sin. Just as the song says, there are many days that I have wished I could forget the things I’ve done, the attitudes I’ve had, the people I’ve wronged—but God leaves those memories in my mind to remind me of where He’s brought me from. I’m sure Mary felt the same way. I’ve sure she had evidences on her body of her former life that remained after Jesus healed her, but with every glance at her past, she was reminded of His great love and mercy toward her.
The scars that Jesus bears in His body to this very day prove to us the depths of His mercy and grace. He took our sin on His shoulders so that we could be healed in our bodies and souls. Without His sacrifice, healing is impossible. It was only through His death and resurrection that we have been given the power to believe on Him and be saved. Without His death, we could not live in victory over our past lives and without His death, we could not live in wholeness with Him for eternity.
When we are finally free from these bodies wrecked with sin, it is then that we will be completely made whole in Him. Our physical deaths are nothing but a release from the final chains that keep dragging us back to our sin. But if we have believed in Jesus as our Savior, “it is not death to die.” It’s just the beginning.
by donyadunlap | Apr 11, 2012 | The Spiritual Life
As I mentioned in my most recent post, (The Gifts of Death: Hope) I was struck by a most unusual thought while reading Genesis chapter three some weeks ago. I realized that death was a gift granted to us after the fall of Adam so that we might one day be freed from our sinful state and be reunited with God to enjoy a relationship He intended for us upon our creation.
After thinking about this for some time, I came to realize that there are actually several gifts related to death. In addition to hope, we also find intimacy in death. I know that may sound odd to you, but consider with me the story of Lazarus’ death recorded in John 11. Jesus was just a few short miles away from Bethany, the hometown of Lazarus, when He learned that his friend was very sick and most likely dying. Instead of rushing to heal him, Jesus waited another two days to leave. When he arrived at the home of Mary and Martha, the sisters of Lazarus, he had been dead for four days.
When Jesus arrived at Bethany, Mary and Martha came out of their home to meet Him on the road. In their grief they each cried out that if He had just gotten there sooner, Lazarus would still be with them. Have you ever felt that way? Have you experienced a situation in which you truly wanted to believe that God was in control, but in your heart you felt that He had missed His cue and left you hanging? That is how these two sisters felt that day. But do you know how Jesus responded to their cries? He didn’t defend His choice to stay where He was for a time. He didn’t pull out Romans 8:28 on them. He didn’t judge them for their lack of faith or for their grief. “Jesus wept”.
He wept with them. I imagine Him pulling both of them close to Him and letting them cry on His shoulders as His tears mingled with theirs. Jesus did not weep for Lazarus. He knew before Lazarus died that He would raise him from the grave. It was the purpose of His trip that day. Lazarus was allowed to die so that God would be glorified in that situation and many would believe on Jesus upon witnessing the miracle. There was purpose in the pain, but that didn’t make the pain hurt any less and Jesus understood that. Had He wanted to, He could have made Lazarus’ tomb His first stop that day and brought Him in to the house with Him, but instead He chose to weep with those who were weeping.
That truth speaks to me in a powerful way. It tells me that Jesus understands my sorrow and does not chastise me for my emotions. It tells me that Jesus draws near to those who are grieving and shares in their pain. It tells me that He brings comfort, not only in righting a difficult situation, but in providing emotional strength through the dark days of death. And it tells me that in His time and in His way, He will make all things good again. God may not grant healing to a terminally ill loved one, or work out that job situation in the way that we want it to work out, or provide in some other circumstance that feels like death to you today, but someday we will be able to see that He was with us the whole time and that He brought about glory to God through that situation.
This passage reminds me of Hebrews 4:15.
For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
Our Savior knows our pain and grief because He has experienced it Himself. He had to bury His earthly Father. He experienced rejection and scorn. He endured physical difficulties and torture. He has walked the path of life on this earth and came through it victorious. That is why He encourages us to go to Him in prayer and pour out our hearts before Him. He doesn’t want to preach at you or minimize your hurt. He wants to grieve with us and then rejoice with us when days become bright once again.
Songwriter Laura Story speaks of God’s higher purpose in suffering through the song Blessings. She and her husband were going through a trying time regarding a health situation. Despite their fervant prayers for healing, God did not answer in the way they hoped. You can listen to Laura share her personal testimony of intimacy with God through her personal trial by clicking here, but I will share the first part of her testimony in song below. The opening lyrics of the song read,
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things
‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
My favorite line in this song is “You hear each spoken need, yet love us way too much to give us lesser things.” We often think that if we could just have this or that we would be happy and that if we don’t get those things from God that we aren’t being “blessed.” We question God’s plan and doubt His goodness and wrestle with how He can be good when everything in our lives seem so bad. The problem with that thinking is that it is based on human reasoning. We see life laterally. We remember the past, experience the present and look forward to the future, but God sees past, present and future all at the same time. Only He knows the end from the beginning and every moment in-between. So while He understands our grief, we must understand that He is in control no matter what and that everything He does is for our good and for His glory. As the song says, He loves us way too much to give us the answers to our prayers sometimes because He knows that what we want isn’t always what is best for us.
But the gift in the darkness is an intimate communion with our Savior in the midst of our suffering. It is in the darkest of times that He makes Himself most known to us. It is when we run to Him through the tears that He meets with us to comfort and cry with us. It is in the times when we can barely get out of bed that He encourages us to walk with Him and show Him where we have buried our hopes and dreams so that He can bring them forth from the grave as a testament of His power and mercy in our lives.
Have you experienced a trial in which God felt more real to you than ever before? Have the words to a certain verse “jumped” of the page at you to bring comfort during a difficult time? I would love to read your testimony of grace if you’ll share it below.
To listen to a recording of Blessings, click here.
Photo Credit: Nate Brelsford- Paducah, KY
by donyadunlap | Mar 17, 2012 | The Spiritual Life
Several weeks ago I was reading in Genesis 3 and was struck by an incredible thought. Death is a gift. Never in my life had I ever considered the blessings of death until that moment. Of course, there are times when you think that it was better for someone to die so that they no longer have to suffer with an illness or you console yourself and others with the knowledge that the deceased lived a long life and that they have gone on to a better place, but to actually see death as a blessing given by God was really shocking to me at that moment.
Genesis 3 begins with Adam and Even in the Garden of Eden living in complete bliss and innocence. They walked with God in a physical manner every day and enjoyed their duties with a joy and fulfillment that no human being has experienced since that day. The chapter goes on to tell of the deception of Eve by the servant and the willful disobedience of Adam in eating the forbidden fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. It was the one thing God had instructed them not to do. He had given them free reign of everything in the garden with the exception of that one tree so that He might be glorified through their choices to continually submit to His will. And despite everything they had going for them, Adam and Eve chose to go their own way, followed by God responding in punishment and sacrifice for their sin. The chapter closes with verses 22-24. They capture for us the thought process of God, or in essence, God talking to Himself. I love that because I do it too. Not that I’m a triune, unfathomable Deity such as the Trinity, but because I’m scatterbrained and a little schizo. It’s a stretch, but I’m really good at justifying my strangeness. Anyway, verses 22-24 read:
And the Lord God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever: Therefore the Lord God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken. So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life.
Do you see it? Death was a part of the curse. God’s original intention for man was to live in a perfect world and walk with Him forever, but sin ruined all of that. But God, in His wonderful grace and mercy, made it possible for a new beginning. Rather than risk Adam eating of the Tree of Life and living forever in his sinful, fallen state, God banished Adam and Eve from the garden so that they would eventually die and be reunited with Him in perfection once again.
For the Christian, death is a fresh start. Death is walking with Jesus side by side and talking to Him face to face. Death is living in a perfect world created by the Almighty Artist, full of beauty beyond our comprehension. Death is wholeness, and real living and inexplicable joy that we only get glimpses of here in our fallen state.
I know that death doesn’t feel like that and anyone that has experienced it in a personal way probably assumes that I couldn’t possibly say these things if I knew what it was like. But I do. That’s why these truths are so precious to me. I have grieved in the past, and expect to again in the future mourn the loss of those I love. And someday, at a time unbeknownst to me, I will face death myself, should the Lord tarry His coming. Yet, with all of the experience I have and uncertainties I face in death, I still have hope. I have hope that I will be reunited with those I love. I have hope that I will be able to touch and walk and communicate with my Savior. And I have hope that I will one day be rid of the sin that plagues me day in and day out as I walk this earth.
Can you imagine the utter torment it would have been if Adam had stayed in the garden and eaten of the Tree of Life? All of the horrific criminals that have ever lived would still be walking among us, all of the corruption we see in the world would be magnified, and we would literally be forever trapped in hell on earth. But God chose a better way. He chose death. Death for Adam. Death for us. And death for His Son.
But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. To him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen. – 1 Peter 5:10-11
by donyadunlap | Mar 1, 2012 | Modern Day Slavery, The Spiritual Life
I feel so overwhelmed.
I am overwhelmed by the fullness of my heart in seeing how God is at work in me and in the world around me. Some of you know that the Lord has been doing some really amazing things in my life recently. Some days He just takes my breath away and brings tears to my eyes. God has always been at work in my life, but in the last nine months, He has taken things to a whole new level.
A Brief Recap
In June of 2011, I felt the Lord stirring my heart and giving me a deeper burden for single women. Since college I have had a growing passion to be a voice to and for single women, but I thought that passion would be fulfilled with the writing of my book. In June, the Lord showed me that the book was just the beginning. I started praying, dreaming and planning, guided by this new direction and a vague picture began to form in my head. Then it seemed as if God checked out for a while. I don’t mean that irreverently, and I know that in truth He never leaves me, but I went through a period where I felt that He wasn’t speaking to me. I began to get discouraged and frustrated. I wondered if maybe the Voice that I heard in June was really just voices…and that they were telling me that I should be on the lookout for the men in the white coats. But again the floodgates of Heaven have opened and I am swimming in the depths of God’s grace and goodness.
An Added Burden
In January of this year, I was introduced to the truths of modern day slavery. I was shocked to learn that there are an estimated 27 million slaves in the world today, more than at any other time in history. It is believed that human trafficking alone generates over $32 billion in revenue every year. The majority of trafficking victims are between the ages of 18-24, but it gets worse. “The victims most vulnerable are women and children. Children in particular are sold, bonded, trafficked, subjected to commercial sexual exploitation, recruited into armed conflicts and forced to work as domestic workers.” (72daysforfreedom.com, antislavery.org)
This information is troubling, but the statistic that completely broke my heart is that the average age of a person forced into prostitution is 12. TWELVE YEARS OLD. These children, girls and boys, should still be playing with dolls and video games. Instead they are being raped and beaten and threatened in untold ways EVERY SINGLE DAY. And this isn’t just a problem for other countries. This is happening here, in the United States of America, in our neighborhoods, at our sporting events, at truck stops, hotels, massage parlors, restaurants…all around us.
When I started learning about this I was shocked, as I mentioned, but then I got angry. How is it that I didn’t know about this? I lived in Atlanta for 5 years. It’s an awesome city that I love and I miss, but learning that Atlanta is a major hub of human trafficking and that it is ranked in the top 14 cities in the US for child prostitution it made me sick. (Governor’s Office for Children and Families) For five years I lived in peace, safety and happiness while all around me unspeakable things were being done to helpless children who are meant to be protected and loved. When I think of someone hurting my nieces who are the same ages as many of these children, I want to come unglued.
27 million is just a number until you make it personal…and this is personal to me.
I began to pray that God would allow me to be a voice for the children. I had already started plans for a novel to raise awareness of the effects of rape, but I felt the Lord directing me to change my focus. So I began to research and write about sex trafficking…and the more I learned the more God worked. Tonight as I write these thoughts to you, I literally feel as if at any moment the very molecules of my body could let loose. My muscles physically ache with emotion. I long to do something now to make a difference. I post awareness messages on Facebook and Twitter, I research, I beg God to use me to be a champion for freedom, and yet I still have homework, I still have a job, I still have deadlines for my first book, I still have dishes and laundry to do…
The rush of all this emotion and all of these thoughts coursed through my mind and body today as I stuffed suckers and papers into little plastic bags for work, I received a notice that a friend had posted a message in response to a tweet of mine that was copied to Facebook. The message read,
We’ve been studying the book of Nehemiah in church and I love the order of events on his timeline. After he heard of the state of things in Jerusalem he was burdened to the point of sobbing for days. It was this initial grief that made him realize that this burden was from the Lord and a signal to get involved. It reminded me that while others may not get as upset about situations to the same level that I do, that’s okay, because the heaviness of my heart is God’s message to ME to get involved. Thank you for sharing this journey that the Lord’s put you on. It IS encouraging to see that He still uses Christians to right the wrongs of this world.
Her note was an encouragement to me, but the depth of her words didn’t really hit home with me until later this evening. I was reading the first chapters of Nehemiah and noticed that the months Chisleu and Nisan were mentioned. Chisleu is the third month for the Hebrew and the month during which Nehemiah was told of the state of Jerusalem by his friend. Nisan is the seventh month, the month that Artaxerxes noticed that Nehemiah was sad. For four months Nehemiah wept and fasted and prayed for God to do something, and for four months Nehemiah got up, slapped a smile on his face and went to work. I wonder if during those four months he wondered why God tarried His response? Nehemiah was just a regular guy, no different from you or me (except by gender of course). He was a person with responsibilities and deadlines that could not be ignored despite his broken heart. But Nehemiah was not alone in his grief, just as I am not alone in mine. God was at work during those four months of silence. God was preparing the heart of the king to be open to Nehemiah’s request to leave his position and go to Jerusalem. God was preparing supplies and people and working on a timeline that only He could see. And when the time was right, He let Nehemiah in on the secret.
Since January, I have laid my head on my pillow each night and my mind and heart goes out to all the women and children that are just beginning their daily walk through hell on earth. I know I’m not supposed to think such unChristian thoughts such as, “God, why don’t you do something?” but I have…and He gently responds to me, “My child, I am.”
God is always fighting for the helpless, whether or not I see it.
These last two weeks He has given me glimpses of how He is at work. In a total random “chance” event (or by divine appointment as I choose to believe) God prompted a woman named Catherine Smith to comment on a comment that I had left on a blog by Jon Acuff. (Did you follow all of that?) Catherine is the co-founder of the You Are Project, an effort to help women realize their value and significance in the eyes of Christ. Coincidence? I think not. He also arranged it that I would be visiting a friend’s church when they announced a special 72 day effort to raise awareness of human slavery, called 72 Days For Freedom and the corresponding website that is full of information, including prayer points for each day and ways that each of us can get involved to stem the tide of this growing evil in our world. Coincidence? Again, I think not. Every day God whispers encouragement to me through His Word, through messages from friends, through songs on the radio…
“I AM at work. I AM mighty to save. I AM the Father to the Fatherless. I WILL BRING FREEDOM TO THOSE IN BONDAGE!”
God is at work behind the scenes, and if it be His will, one day He will bring me in on the secret and allow me to be a part of His work. But until then, it is my job to be faithful in the daily tasks that He as set before me. It’s okay if I cry my eyes out and fast and plead with God. In fact, I think that’s part of the process. God has to do a work in me too. But His silence doesn’t mean that He doesn’t hear, or that He isn’t busy accomplishing His will for His glory.
One of my absolute favorite passages of Scripture is when Jesus reveals Himself to Mary on the morning of His resurrection. She is grieving, she is heart broken, and she is in a panic because she came to dress the body of her Lord following the Sabbath and He wasn’t in the tomb where He was laid. She is completely beside herself, overcome with weeping to the point that she assumes the blurred form she sees through her tears is the gardener…until He says her name. “Mary.” There was only One that said her name like that. Only one that looked beyond her faults and failures and treated her with unmeasurable love and kindness. It was Jesus.
There was nothing but silence for three days. When all of your dreams and hopes and the One that you love with all your heart are wrapped up together in grave clothes and left to rot in a cave…you can’t get more broken than that. But God was not dead. He was at work behind the scenes. He was fulfilling the prophecies going back centuries before. Only the sobs from Mary’s chest broke the quiet of the morning that day, but the silence was about to bring forth the most glorious shout of joy that I believe the earth has ever heard. “Rabboni!!!” He had conquered death and hell and there He stood before her very eyes. Her Savior. Her Redeemer. Her Jesus. He had freed her from the grasp of seven demons and set her on a path of worship and purpose unlike anything she could have ever imagined. She was granted the privilege of being the first person He revealed Himself to after His resurrection. She is written into history as one that brought much glory to God—a woman that I highly respect and look forward to meeting some day. She was one of the first to testify of His resurrection and took part in the very first meetings of the physical church on this earth.
God used her darkest days to shine forth His most glorious light.
So tonight, as I lay my head on my pillow and think of the hundreds of thousands bound in slavery, I will also think of my wonderful, all-powerful Savior—the One who holds each of His children in the palm of His hand—and I will sleep in peace, trusting Him to make everything beautiful in His time.
Please take a moment to follow the links above for the You Are Project and 72 Days for Freedom. Together we can shine the light of God’s love and pierce the darkness!
by donyadunlap | Feb 13, 2012 | Forgetting the Fairy Tale, The Single Life, The Spiritual Life
Forgetting the Fairy Tale
Chapter 1
“Once upon a time.” Isn’t that how all of the great stories begin? “Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess.” Now let’s be honest. Who hasn’t dreamed of becoming royalty? The magnificent castle, the devoted servants, the fabulous, designer-made dresses, the glimmering jewels and, of course, the shoes! You and I have been raised on such stories. The princess may be trapped in a gilded cage of luxury and loneliness, or perhaps she is wandering the streets, penniless and unaware of the drama that is about to unfold in her life. Regardless of how the story begins, we all know the end. Somehow, someway, our princess is rescued by her knight in shining armor, and they live happily ever after. [sigh]
It’s a dream come true—or so we hope—for at some point in the story, the beautiful princess has taken on our features. Suddenly, it is our slippered feet that are gliding across the ballroom floor, and it is our gloved hand resting in the grasp of the prince. We spin underneath a canopy of stars, breathe in the sweet-smelling fragrance of roses and jasmine, and believe that all our worries are behind us. The story eventually ends, but it continues to live on in our hearts. We grow up dreaming of that magical day when we will meet “the one”—the man of our dreams. We picture the days to follow being filled with flowers, moonlight kisses, and perfect happiness. We imagine walking down a candlelit aisle, strewn with rose petals and flanked on either side with our friends and family. The rings are exchanged, I do’s are said, and the cake is cut, and we ride off into the sunset to begin our own happily ever after.
But then, one day, we’re finishing high school, or we’re struggling to get through college, or maybe we are establishing a career, and harsh reality jolts us out of our reverie. No rose petals, no wedding bells, and not the first sign of a knight on the horizon. We begin to wonder, is there something wrong with us? Do we need to try harder? Has God failed us? Our hope fades, our dreams die, and disillusionment and bitterness, cynicism, desperation, depression, and discontent take up residence in the halls of our hearts.
Untold numbers of little girls wake up as grown women with their dreams in shattered pieces at their feet. I could introduce you to woman after woman whose lives are in ruins today because of a fairy tale. Some women hold tightly to their dreams and do what they feel necessary to make the fairy tale come true. They set aside their values and convictions, their personal preferences, and sometimes even their identities to become that perfect catch. They lie to themselves, their families, friends, and boyfriends to get their special day—and unfortunately, it works. They get the white dress, stringed quartet, and perfectly cut diamond, but at what cost? They find themselves married to men that don’t really know them at all, and often, men that did their share of lying too. At best, these relationships are filled with disappointment and heartache. Worst case scenarios include abuse, neglect, fornication, divorce, and suicide.
Other women choose the single life out of fear and self-defense. They build walls around their heart to avoid that familiar sting of pain, perhaps caused earlier in their lives by abuse, ridicule, or rejection. Holiday after holiday goes by, and there are no special deliveries for them. No romantic dinners, no promises of undying love, and no little black boxes. They didn’t want this life. It was thrust upon them—or so they choose to believe. They are victims in a cruel and lonely world. They blame everyone around them for their life choices and radiate insecurity, jealousy, and bitterness. The once tender heart of the dreamer has become hardened and wrapped in the protective coverings of feminist mantras and an ever-looping track of “I Will Survive” on their MP3 players.
Some women get caught up in their fairy tale romance, only to lose their childish fantasies in one reckless moment. Their innocence and sweet spirit is seemingly stolen from them overnight. Soon they discover that they no longer have the luxury of living like a child, for in a few short months, they are going to be responsible for a child themselves. For a time it seems storybook perfect. He is charming and handsome and such a gentleman! He whispers that he will be there forever. He vows his love—until the day the drug store test comes back positive.
There are still other women who seem to have it all together. They are sweet and submissive to their authorities. They are involved in church; they have their Sunday school awards and their Bible club trophies scattered about their bedrooms; and they wouldn’t think of doing anything to shame themselves or their families. They may even elevate themselves above those around them who seem to flounder in the midst of their life choices. They are so stable, in fact, that while they live in complete mental acknowledgement of God, their daily decisions are made within the realm of their own experience and self-assurance. They meet a man that will provide them with the companionship they desire and the security they need, and without thought to what God might have in mind for their future, they plunge ahead. Along the way, they might nod to those who raise red flags of warning, but out of personal pride and fear of what others may think of them should they choose a different way, they continue on their path to destruction.
And then there are women who rush, rush, rush from morning to night, filling their lives with every possible relationship and amusement. They are terrified of being alone, and so they mingle. They have their boy next door, the workplace flirtation, and a list of backup prospects. They feed off the attention of those around them and even imagine admirers in the crowd when there aren’t any to be found—exaggerating the motive behind glances in their direction to boost their own egos. They are the life of the party and are far too busy to listen to the warnings of their soul. They can’t pause to heed the gentle stirrings, for they have that next thing to get to, and who knows? Prince Charming might be right around the corner! They are always running, always searching, and never finding peace.
These women and countless others each have different personalities, insecurities, and motives, but they all share the same heartache when they lie awake at night; the joy, peace, security, and contentment that they imagined for themselves which died with their childhood. Their horizons are no longer shimmering with the sunshine of love. They have no hope of better things to come. Their thoughts are filled with two main questions: How did I get into this mess, and how do I get out?
It is for these woman and many more that I sit at my computer to write. My heart breaks at the sight of other hearts breaking around me, and I can’t keep silent anymore. I have spoken to women in the pit of despair and read blog entries of dear sisters in Christ who are being crushed in the vise of depression. They can barely go on, because they don’t have a man to help them. Their thoughts and lives are consumed with what God has not seen fit to give them. They are desperate for attention, acceptance, and love, and my heart aches for them. Do I have it altogether? No. Absolutely not. I struggle too. I hate dealing with car mechanics that want to steal my money because I can’t tell the difference between a carburetor and an oil pump. I have days of self-pity and doubt over whether or not I’m “good enough” to get married. I’ve caught myself acting foolishly to catch the attention of a man. I’ve thought that my life was as good as over when a relationship fell apart.
Ladies, I don’t have all the answers, but I can tell you that I have found true love in the One that does. Every day I fall more in love with my Savior, and with that love comes peace and security that women around me only dream about. Do I wish that I could fall asleep with my husband’s strong arms around me, protecting me from the scary sounds of the night? Sure I do. Is my life a disaster because I don’t have that husband? No, it is not. Would I love to be picking out flowers and music for my wedding day? Absolutely—but not at the expense of my relationship with Christ and my future with Him.
Society tells me that my body needs to look a certain way, and I need to act a certain way and dress a certain way to gain and keep a man’s attention. Love isn’t portrayed as a gift from God and a self-sacrificing relationship between two individuals who hold the other in higher esteem than they hold themselves. To the world, love is a game of wit and wiles. Movies are full of lust and longing. Magazines entice readers with articles on “how to catch him and keep him” and “what drives men wild.” Even music will tell you that “you’re nobody until somebody loves you.” Friend, I am writing to tell you that Someone does love you. In fact, He loves you so deeply that He died a cruel and shameful death in order to have a relationship with you. There is One that longs to talk to you and ease your fears. There is One that deeply desires to bless you with peace of mind and security in who He created you to be. It is my hope that by the time we finish this journey together, you will look at Christ in a whole new way. He is not only the Savior of all mankind, but He is the lover of your soul. He understands you more than you understand yourself and accepts you as you are.
The Great Deceiver would like you to believe that God wants you to be lonely and miserable and that you will never be happy if you surrender your future to Him, but we don’t have to listen to his lies! God’s desire is to set us free. Free from our misplaced affections. Free from our fears. Free from the captivity of our minds and protection from the daily onslaught of the worldview. As the Prophet Jeremiah said so many, many years ago:
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. And I will be found of you, saith the Lord: and I will turn away your captivity.
Look around you. Spend a few minutes at a food court or in an airport, and you will quickly realize that heartache is an epidemic. Of course, you have to look beyond the perfectly made-up faces and the fabulous costumes that everyone puts on before facing the world each morning. People pretend so much that the line between reality and make-believe is often indistinguishable, even to the one playing the part. At the ball game, at the grocery store, at the restaurant, look around you. Look into the eyes of the waitresses, the cashiers, the shoppers, the couple at the table beside you. What do you see? Worry. Loneliness. Bitterness. Desperation. Frustration. Emptiness. Disappointment. Despair. Hopelessness. Fear. Pain. Now look in the mirror. What do you see? How did it happen? It all began with a fairy tale.
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