by donyadunlap | Jun 13, 2011 | The Single Life
I have hesitated in the past about publishing anything on this topic out of the fear of soundy too soap-boxy (for lack of a better term). However, I had a lovely talk with an old friend this weekend and this topic was broached, stirring up all sorts of little boxes I have stored in my “pet peeves” closet. If you know me at all, you know I have a hard time keeping my little pets in obedient and silent compliance after such an event–thus the blog post.
I could discuss in length various grievences that I have with the way singles are treated–maybe that will be book two. For now, I want to communicate just one basic thing to anyone that has contact with, is related to, or has a ministry for single people. We are single, not contagious. We don’t need to be fixed, counseled or made aware of our singleness, nor do we appreciate being treated as someone carrying a deadly and communicable disease. We don’t care who you know that would be just the perfect cure to put our singleness into remission. We are single–not sick, not broken, not diseased, not emotionally stunted, not incapable of love, not avoiding the inevitable, not afraid of committment, not miserable, not desperate, not waiting by our phones with bated breath–we’re just single. Period.
I usually try to remind myself that those who try to doctor the situation are really well-meaning individuals who just have no idea what it’s like to be single and so deserve an extra dose of grace when they say stupid and sometimes offensive things out of a desire for us “to just be happy.” However, I have been giving such grace for a number of years now and my grace tank is running low. So with an attitude of full disclosure and with a heart that really does desire to help others, I’d like to share with you a couple passages of Scripture that have benefited me and will hopefully be a help to both those who interact with singles on a regular basis, or singles who struggle with their singleness. After all, everyone has their moments!
James 1:17 reads, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” There is no exception clause to this verse. God gives to His children every good thing and at just the time they need it. That means, if I desire something that I believe is a good thing and God hasn’t given it to me yet, I must trust Him to know what is best for my life and submit to Him in the knowledge that I don’t always know what is best but He does. My heavenly Father wants the very best for my life and I know that if it is His will for me (or your single friend) to be married, then it is only a matter of time before He will bring it to pass. Until then worrying about it, being overly focused on it or manipulating situations to change my marital status will only bring about stife, discontentment and other forms of evil that God does not desire for my life. We must follow the example of Paul in learning to be content in whatever state we find ourselves in, trusting the Lord to work out His will in His timing. (Philippians 4:11)
Another oft neglected passage of scripture that is worthy of consideration is 1 Corinthians 7. I won’t include the whole chapter within this blog, but I encourage you to read it for yourself. Paul clearly states that while marriage can be a good thing and it certainly isn’t a bad thing, there are several disadvantages to it that single people don’t have to face. Those who are married must think of their spouse above other things. This, by default, limits their ability to serve Christ in some ways. Single people are more flexible to serve on the mission field, minister in youth groups, attend Bible studies, etc. where as married people have their spouses and children to serve first as their main ministry. The works of God are secondary, as God designed them to be, holding up the home as the first sacred institution. A single person has a chance to be undivided in their service to Christ, which can be a wonderful thing, especially if they receive support from others in the ministry and are not looked down upon or shunned because of their marital status.
There are other examples I could list, but I will leave it at this for now. What I hope to accomplish with this post is a little understanding and open-mindedness. If you know a single and have found it difficult to have a relationship with them, try to focus less on making them like you and more on appreciating them for who they are. They have hopes and desires and dreams just like you. Many singles want to be married and have children some day and having others constantly point out the fact that they aren’t there yet and here is what they need to do to “fix it” only aggrevates an already tender feeling that they must deal with on a regular basis. Get to know your single friend one-on-one. Don’t take them out for coffee to butter them up to babysit for you. Just go out and talk, learn from each other, benefit from seeing the world through their eyes, put yourself in their shoes and love them for them. No face masks or hand sanitizer needed.
by donyadunlap | Dec 10, 2010 | The Spiritual Life
Have you been there? Have you been to the point when words will not form as you try to pray? Have you been so overwhelmed with all that life is for you that all you do is cry “help me” as the tears run down your face? Are you there right now? The words to Amy Grant’s song “Breath of Heaven” express my feelings tonight perfectly. It’s called “Mary’s Song” because it is written from the perspective of young Mary, mother of Jesus, as she was carrying Him in her womb. “Help me be strong…Help me be…Help me.”
For the last several years, and especially during the Christmas season, Mary, the mother of Jesus has been on my heart. I’ve spent much time thinking about her, and reading about what life must have been like for her. There is actually very little about her in Scripture, but there is much that we can glean from what is written and from history.
If Mary was a typical Jewish girl from a typical Jewish family she would have been waiting and praying for the Messiah to come, just as devout Jews do today. But, I imagine her to be taken quite off guard when He did come, and directly to her no less. She was, most likely, very young. History would place her at about 12-16 years old. She was betrothed, or engaged to be married to a young carpenter named Joseph. He was most likely a teenager as well. Betrothal was much more serious than today’s engagement period. It was a formal agreement or marriage where she would technically be considered Joseph’s wife. The actual marriage and consummation of the agreement usually took place about a year after the betrothal contract. It was during this time that the angel, Gabriel, told her that she was expecting.
Most assume that this would be a joyful pronouncement to Mary, but the Bible depicts her as being confused, as she was yet a virgin. She humbly accepts the responsibility upon Gabriel’s assurance that “nothing is impossible to God.” I have often wondered if the seriousness of her situation dawned upon her at this time or if it took a while for the full weight of this calling to sink into her mind and heart. This great honor, to be the mother of the Christ child, was quite literally a death sentence. Mary was considered legally married. A woman in her state that was found with child could very easily be publicly stoned for her unfaithfulness to her betrothed. She would be considered an adulteress. The other option would be for Joseph to divorce her quietly, saving her and her family from open shame. (Although I’m sure the gossip chain of their day would do plenty enough damage, as it would today.) Matthew 1:18-25 explains that it was Joseph’s obedience to the word of the Lord through a dream that caused him to reject “the norm” and to take Mary as his wife. This act would bring shame upon him as well, causing people to assume that it was he that had gotten Mary into this predicament before their marriage was official. It would be quite easy to count back from the birth of a child to a wedding day and figure out that not everything added up as it should.
Put yourself in Mary’s sandals for a moment. You are a young bride. You have your whole life ahead of you. Your husband is a just man—one that any woman would gladly marry. You come from a good home. Your parents are proud of the godly woman that you are becoming. You are diligently preparing for the day that your betrothed takes you into his home. You dream of the children that you will raise together and the happiness fills your soul. Until one day—everything changes. You are visited by an angel who tells you that you are with child by the Holy Ghost. “Maybe I’m dreaming,” you wonder. After a sound pinch or two you confirm that you are awake and the being in front of you is not a figment of your imagination or the result of an upset stomach. You have been given a heavenly responsibility. You have been called to raise the Son of God. But wait…what will your parents think? Will they believe you? What about your brothers and sisters? Will they ridicule you? Will they think you’ve lost your mind? Will your parents disown you? And what about Joseph? Will he have you stoned? Will he have mercy and only divorce you? But what if he does? Where will you go? How will you care for a child alone? An angel has appeared to you, but not to those at the temple or in the town square. Who will believe that you are to be the virgin mother of the Messiah? How will you bear the shame, the reproach, the lies? How will you convince them that the One they have been waiting for, praying for, has come in the form of a baby—your Son?
Each time I think of all that this young woman must have endured, my heart breaks for her. And this was just the beginning of her sorrow. Yes, there would be joy along the way. Kissing the forehead of your newborn child and the Savior of your soul would bring joy unspeakable, I’m sure. But in just 30 short years, she would have to give her Son over to a harsh and unbelieving world to be mocked, ridiculed, slandered, rejected, hunted, and eventually, 3 very short years later, tortured and killed. The thought gives new meaning to the term “broken-hearted.”
I wonder, who will be reading these thoughts of mine and at that same moment feel very much like Mary of old? What has God asked of you, dear friend, that seems more than you can bear? What burden weighs heavy on your thoughts? What road seems so impossible to walk that you can’t imagine arriving at a destination—you can only gather enough strength to take the next step? Perhaps you are in a difficult marriage, your child is away from the Lord, you have to work two and three jobs to make ends meet, you have an incurable disease or you’ve found yourself awaiting the arrival of an unplanned child yourself?
We all have burdens to bear. Some are heavier than others, but each has been specifically designed for us by a God that loves us and has chosen us for the task. Just as God chose the young woman who would carry His most precious Son, so God has hand-picked you for the trial that you face today. It may seem to you more of a curse than a blessing. It may seem impossible as Mary’s burden seemed to her that day so many years ago. But, heaven’s perspective is always quite different from our own. In the words of the angel, Gabriel, “Do not be afraid, [your name], for you have found favor with God…For nothing will be impossible with God.”
Nothing is impossible…with God. Nothing. With God. The fact remains that we cannot do the impossible. We are fragile, weak, emotionally ravaged human beings that sometimes can barely get out of bed in the mornings. But…with…God…nothing is impossible. If we look at our circumstances we can easily be so overwhelmed that we turn to drinking, drugs, sleep aids, food, friends, [fill in the blank] and we check out of our responsibilities, or even check out of our lives, in despair. Dear friends, God didn’t choose you to fail under the weight of a crushing burden. God chose you to carry it gracefully, walking in His strength, in complete surrender to the circumstances that He has placed you in, to be a vessel of His glory—to carry His message to a lost and dying world. Romans 12:1 tells us that we are to be a living sacrifice, just as Mary was. She gave her hopes, her dreams, her very life to God in sweet humility and accepted the task God called her to. Her response, recorded for us in Luke 1:46-49 was, “My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant. For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name.”
I was speaking to a woman at church a few weeks ago who shared with me a special memory of her mother. She recalled to me how she would watch her mom churn butter on the front porch and sing sweet hymns like, “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound…” as she worked. This precious woman told me how her mother always wore a sweet smile even though her face was battered and bruised from her husband’s angry blows. Things were tough in that little household and that young mother could have easily turned away from God and ran away from her circumstances, but instead she carried her burden with grace and a smile. That young mother influenced her daughter in a way that she couldn’t have imagined. That little girl now has grandchildren of her own, and she and her family are in church today, I am quite certain, because of the wife and mother that trusted in God to take care of her despite her circumstances.
Will you be like these women? Will you take your burdens to the Lord of All today and trust Him to do the impossible through you? He doesn’t ask you to walk your path alone. He only asks you to surrender your will and your plans to Him—He will do the rest through you. And in doing so, you will be blessed and those around you will be too. It may not seem like it will ever turn out right to you. I’m sure Mary often wondered what God’s plan was for her and her Son—but we know the rest of the story. I don’t know that Mary fully understood while she was on this earth, but as she watches God’s plan of salvation unfold in our lives from her heavenly position today, I’m sure she understands perfectly. I’m also quite sure that she would do it all over again, with the understanding that “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 12:28)
Breath of Heaven (Mary’s Song)
By Amy Grant
I have traveled many moonless nights
Cold and weary with a babe inside
And I wonder what I’ve done
Holy Father you have come
And chosen me now
To carry your son
I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone
Be with me now
Be with me now
[Chorus:]
Breath of heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me your holiness
For you are holy
Breath of heaven
Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be…
Help me…
Breath of heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me your holiness
For you are holy
Breath of heaven
Click here to read a commentary entry on Luke chapter 1: The Announcement of the Birth of Jesus to Mary
Click here to listen to “Breath of Heaven (Mary’s Song)”
by donyadunlap | Feb 6, 2010 | The Spiritual Life
I am heartbroken. I have witnessed the slow and painful death of a dear friend and with that loss has gone my joy and purpose in life. What friend? The precious and altogether lovely Word of God—the Bible. What was once a God-breathed, living, powerful, giver of hope and peace and joy has become nothing more than a paperweight. Or so it seems.
As I look around, I see It carried everywhere. I hear It being referred to and quoted, but I do not see It being followed and revered. Its precepts and admonitions are often misinterpreted or ignored. It almost seems like Its presence is an offense—a stumbling block to personal agendas.
Friends, Luke states in his gospel, “For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required,” (Luke 12:48) and we have been given much.
Not only do we in America have the Word of God in our language, we have multiple copies. In addition to this great gift, we have study guides, dictionaries, concordances, commentaries, historical resources and much more to help us further understand the depths of Scripture. We are priveleged to hear preaching and teaching every week—even daily should we choose to seek it out. But do we heed these things? No. Do we value these modern-day miracles? Not at all. It is much more important to us to abide by the rules of culture and tradition or to listen to the advice of our friends and Facebook buddies than to seek wisdom from heaven.
It seems as if the average Christian thinks that only pastors will be held accountable for what is recorded in God’s Sacred Text. Nothing could be further from the truth. Each one of us will be held in account for our treatment of God’s Word. No one shall be exempt.
I read the words of Paul in II Timothy 3:1-7 “That in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy. Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good.”
Perhaps that doesn’t sound like your local body of believers, or does it? I encourage you to read on.
“Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away. For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.”
Does that strike you as it does me? This the local church of the 21st century! This is you and me! God have mercy! We have turned away from the commands of God’s holy Word and in turn He has turned away from us. He has withdrawn the power of His mighty hand from our churches and left us alone with our agendas.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Holy Spirit has left the building.
“I want to encourage this mighty longing after God. The lack of it has brought us to our present low estate. The stiff and wooden quality about our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire…Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. He waits to be wanted. Too bad that with many of us He waits so long, so very long, in vain.” – A.W. Tozer
“As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness.” – Psalm 17:15
by donyadunlap | Nov 19, 2009 | The Single Life, The Spiritual Life
I believe one of the greatest lies of religion is the promise of happiness. Ask just about anyone and they will tell you that, “God wants everyone to be happy!” In fact, it may shock you to think that such a saying isn’t scriptural. It is, in fact, nothing more than the ‘American Dream’ tied up with the bow of a ‘Prosperity Gospel’.
That doesn’t mean that God wants us to be miserable. In fact, God gives each person, saved and unsaved, bountiful blessings every day. One week from tomorrow, families across this great nation will pause to give thanks for freedom, for food on the table, for their jobs, houses, families and a myriad of other blessings. Many people will even acknowledge that these gifts come from a loving God. But how many, I wonder, believe that the blessings they enjoy are truly gifts—something that they have received through no merit of their own. If we were truly honest with ourselves, many of us would have to admit that we feel our blessings are deserved—that we have earned them by working hard, by being on our best behavior or possibly even by sacrificing fame and fortune to serve God. We believe that happiness is a right. After all, it’s in the opening sentences of the Declaration of Independence! “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.” I challenge you to think about that statement and determine for yourself if it is indeed our God-given right to be happy, or if God has something else in mind for each of us. I believe that God does not desire for us to be happy, but rather, holy.
One of the greatest examples of this belief is the Apostle Paul. He speaks often of his trials and tribulations, but always in a spirit of rejoicing. Paul even wrote the book of Philippians on the theme of joy—not a happiness based on circumstances, but rather a deep-rooted joy in his trust and contentment in God alone. Paul realized that our lives on earth are nothing more than a training ground for eternity. He wrote in I Corinthians 15:19, “If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.” Our lives were not meant to be easy. In fact, Paul challenges the Corinthians in his second epistle to “receive not the grace of God in vain.” (II Corinthians 6:1) Or in other words, if you are satisfied with life in your house of flesh, then something is wrong. We are not supposed to be comfortable in this world. Our goals are not to involve initials after our names, prestige among our co-workers, a padded retirement fund, a closet full of the latest fashions, a super-model husband, or any other possession or achievement by which the world measures success. Paul tells us how we are to measure success as Christians in II Corinthians 6:4-10:
“But in all things approving ourselves as the ministers of God, in much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses, In stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fastings; By pureness, by knowledge, by longsuffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned, By the word of truth, by the power of God, by the armour of righteousness on the right hand and on the left, By honour and dishonour, by evil report and good report: as deceivers, and yet true; As unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and, behold, we live; as chastened, and not killed; As sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, and yet possessing all things.”
If we focus on our circumstances, on our wish lists and on the successes of those around us, we will be useless to God and enter Heaven’s gates the poorest of all the saints. But, if we follow the advice of Paul and maintain a close relationship with the Lord when things don’t go our way, when we lose our jobs, when we are diagnosed with cancer, when our enemies spread hurtful rumors about us, when our retirement funds are dissolved, our houses and cars are repossessed and our marriages are burdens instead of bliss, then we will receive the greatest reward of all—God’s “Well done”. For what is God’s purpose in these trials? Certainly not happiness. No, you guessed it, holiness. If we continue reading in II Corinthians 6: 17-7:2, God explains His purpose for these trials. It is His desire that we,
“Come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty. Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.”
God brings difficulties in our lives to purify our hearts—to make us into the image of His Son, who sacrificed all of the pleasures of both Earth and Heaven to redeem us from sin and to grant us eternal life. And just as it pained the Father to send His Son to the cross, so it pains Him to bring suffering into our lives. It is true that God orchestrates every detail of our lives, but always with a heart of love.
As the Psalmist wrote, “Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?” (Psalm 56:8) The Psalmist continues to speak of his confidence in God through verses 9-13: “When I cry unto thee, then shall mine enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me . . . In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid what man can do unto me . . . For thou hast delivered my soul from death: wilt not thou deliver my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?” And of course, the answer to the Psalmist’s rhetorical question is, yes. God has even gone farther than that by promising to never leave us or forsake us, no matter how dark our path may be. (Hebrews 13:5) God sees every tear and hears every prayer—even when we are too overcome with emotion to form words. (Romans 8:26-28)
What powerful promises! When we are so distraught that we cannot express our thoughts and feelings, the Holy Spirit brings the groanings of our hearts before the throne of God—and beyond that—He intercedes for us “according to the will of God”. As humans, we may try to rise above our own desires, but more times than not, we fail. It is often impossible to understand God’s will when we are in the midst of a trial. Our eyes are blinded by emotion, hurt, confusion and sometimes even sin. But the Holy Spirit compensates for our shortcomings and intercedes for us based on God’s will for our lives despite our circumstances. And if that isn’t enough, God also promises that everything will work out in the end!
“‘Aha,’ you say! ‘Verse 28 proves that God wants us to be happy! It says things will always work out in the end!'” Well, yes, that is true, but by God’s definition, not ours. What many people never realize is that God doesn’t work on our timetable. God isn’t bound by time at all. The Psalmist writes: “For a thousand years in thy sight are but as yesterday when it is past, and as a watch in the night.” (Psalm 90:4)
God may choose to give you a life of happiness, and if He does, please, realize that it is all of Him and not of yourself and thank Him for it. However, you will most likely experience trials that shake you to your soul. Remember that God never makes mistakes, and each thing that He allows into your life is ultimately for your good and His glory. When you are tempted to complain, give up, run away, or blaspheme God, remember that He loves you, He is with you, and He will never leave you.
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.” (Isaiah 41:10)
by donyadunlap | Oct 22, 2009 | The Single Life, The Spiritual Life
There is nothing more beautiful than a blushing bride. Adorned in white, carrying a fragrant bouquet of her favorite flowers and beaming with love for the one that waits for her at the end of the aisle. There is a sparkle in her eye and a depth to her emotions that defies logic and reason. Her heart thunders within her…not out of fear, but out of a fullness that she could not describe if you asked her to do so. She has dreamed of this day since she was a little girl. The fairy tales that used to lull her to sleep are now her reality. She is getting married.
I have dreamed of such a day. In fact, the first bridesmaids dress that I ever picked out belonged to the Peaches and Cream Barbie that I got for Christmas in the third grade. I have imagined the flowers, the dresses, the music, the location, the reception, the honeymoon.
The years continued to pass and now I am approaching thirty. My friends are mostly married and many of them have children. A few actually have children that are old enough to attend school. The questions that run through my mind today are not as hopeful as they once were. Now I wonder…will I ever be married? Will I ever know true love? Will I ever have a child of my own? Can I afford to adopt a child and be a single mom?
I tell myself that God has a plan for my life and that it is in every way perfect. I remind myself that singles have greater opportunities to serve the Lord. I think of all the things that I’ve done and I am so thankful that God has allowed them, knowing full well that I wouldn’t have been able to do any of it if I were married and caring for a family. I tell myself that I’m too busy to date and that it is over rated anyway. I look at those around me who have difficult relationships and I thank God for the single life…but some days…some days the pep talks don’t work. Some days the love songs on the radio sting a little. Some days are lonely. Some days are challenging. Some days are filled with balancing the checkbook and mowing the grass and taking the car for an oil change…each task reminding me that I don’t have a husband to take care of these things for me. That I may never have a husband to take care of such things. These are the days that make my heart sigh and my eyes water. But…these are also the days that are the most dear to me.
Yes, you read that correctly. They are dear to me, because on those days God always reminds me that I will one day be that beautiful bride. One day I will stand before the throne of Heaven with the light of Christ’s love in my eyes, and I will pledge my devotion to Him for all of eternity. On that day, the angels will sing, the bells of Heaven will ring and the celebration will be unimaginable. I will never again worry how to make ends meet. I will never again be afraid of the noises in the night. I will never be lonely…for I will be His and He will be mine. I will never doubt my Beloved’s love for me, because He died for me. He walked the road to Calvary for me. He was ridiculed and tortured to pay for my sins. He died so that I could live with Him for eternity. There is no greater love.
Marriage is a wonderful thing, but it isn’t a guaranteed event in everyone’s future. I may not ever change my name, but I will exchange these garments of earth for heavenly robes of white. I know that some day soon, my Betrothed will come for me. Until then, I must be busy about the preparations. I mustn’t waste precious hours wishing things were different. I must be busy about my responsibilities. I must be busy about ministering to others and telling others about Christ.
This life may seem like an eternity at times, but it is nothing more than a period. A little dot in the expanse of forever. I could color my dot gray and mope about wishing things were different…or…I can color my dot pink or purple or red or green and make the most of every minute! It is a choice that I make every day. I wake up, hit my snooze a half-dozen times, and grab my crayon box. Every day I choose to fill my life with happiness or bitterness, love or hate, purpose or pity. Some days I make the right choices, and some days I do not, but the choice is never determined by my circumstances. The choice is determined by the state of my heart.
Every day can be beautiful if I walk within the knowledge of my standing in Christ. He loves me like no other soul ever has or ever will. He is the Bridegroom and He has chosen me…and He has chosen you as well. Will you be His beautiful bride?
