I am a closet super hero. And by that I don’t mean that I have a cape, a belt full of super-secret weapons, and a bat cave. Bats are cute and all, but I’m not all that excited about the idea of shacking up with them. Nor am I a fan of tights.
What I mean is that by day I am a church secretary and by night I work towards and dream about being the kind of person that helps people change their lives and connect with God. My secret identity involves writing best-selling books, speaking at women’s conferences, helping single women find love and security in Jesus, and helping sex trafficking victims escape the life and build a new one in the freedom and safety of God’s grace. I want so badly to make a difference in this evil world and to bring God glory by my actions. But like the dashing Clark Kent, I spend the majority of my time “pushing paper.” Not that church bulletins and prayer sheets aren’t important, but they aren’t the things that get my heart racing and my mind spinning with possibilities. Those things are tucked safely in the depths of my heart and soul. The thing is…it’s getting stuffy in there.
Dreams are scary things. I’m not talking about the pizza induced nightmares that wake you up at 4am. I’m talking about the passion that rattles around in your chest and makes it hard for you to breathe sometimes. When God starts to shake you out of your comfort zone and stir up a passion in your heart for His glory it can be terrifying. It is for me. When I think of what I envision for my future, my insecurities and fears come at me like a tidal wave. What if I fail? What if I’m not good enough? What if no one buys my book? What if I try to help someone and I say the wrong thing? Where will I get the money I need? What if I can’t get these ideas off the ground? What if no one supports this? When will I have the time to do everything that needs to be done? Why would anyone want to listen to what I have to say? What if, what if, what if?
These are the thoughts that make me want to hide in my closet and never come out. The best way to ensure that you won’t fail is not to try, right? But then I remember 1 Thessalonians 5:24. I can’t help but remember it because I have it written on a sticky note on the bottom of my computer screen.
Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.
Just like Moses and David and Peter and everyone else in the Bible that God used to do great things, my dreams have very little to do with me. God placed them into my heart, God stirs them up when I try to hide from them, God gives me the courage to pray about them and God will bring them about in His way and in His time. All I have to do is baby-step-it in the right direction. Sometimes that looks like a desperate prayer for wisdom and direction. Sometimes that looks like an email seeking information. Sometimes it looks like late-night research. Sometimes it looks like getting up, going to work and doing what God has given me to do for that day.
Maybe someday I will find myself on a stage in front of 2,000 single ladies or hugging the shoulders of a women that I’ve helped get out from under the control of her pimp…but today is not that day. Today I have to do my best where God has me and take whatever baby step He prompts my heart to take.
Sometimes just doing the everyday stuff is overwhelming. When you wake up with this giant, chest-pounding, adrenaline pumping vision in your mind and you have to set that aside to work on a spreadsheet and answer a phone you can get pretty discouraged. The Enemy knows that and uses it against me to get me to believe that I’m never going to be “successful,” I’m never going to make a difference and my dreams are never going to happen. But then the Holy Spirit whispers into my soul the truth of 1 Thessalonians 5:24. It isn’t up to me. It’s up to God.
Several weeks ago author Jon Acuff wrote a statement that has found its home on a sticky note adjacent to the one I mentioned previously. It says,
“The success of God’s plans are not dependent on my ability to execute them. He will not be handcuffed by my failures or unleashed by my accomplishments. He is bigger than that.”
That statement was such an encouragement to me. God is bigger than my to-do list. God is bigger than my shortcomings. God is bigger than my fears. And whether or not all the visions of my heart come true, He will still be glorified as long as I remain obedient to Him in the little things.
Do you have a passion stirring in your heart? Do you have a special quote or verse that gets you through your doubt-filled days? I’d love to hear from you!