In my last post I talked about how my plans to become a full-time writer finally came true, but it doesn’t look anything like it thought I would. A large part of what I imagined included directing a non-profit to minister to women and introduce them to a full life in Christ. I looked to Isaiah 61 as kind of instruction manual. I, as an extension of the hands and feet of Christ, had been given a mission to turn ashes into beauty, mourning into joy, and heaviness into praise through the power of the Holy Spirit to the glory of God.

Isaiah 61:1-3
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified.

You can understand my confusion and grief when God redirected my life through the loss of my mother and brought me back to Michigan, otherwise known as Narnia. Michigan is a beautiful place…in June. Come November, Winter invades for six months making you wonder if God turned out the sun and if Spring will ever come again EVER.

So many things in my life are different from what they were a month ago, making my center of gravity quite out of balance. I often find myself saying things like, “Don’t think about it. Now is not a good time to cry. Think about something else.” Sadly, my brain isn’t very obedient. Telling myself to stop thinking about how my mother would have loved eating Sunday lunch with us on the screen porch or how happy should would be that the Tigers won their ball game, doesn’t work. When my eyes start to fill with tears, I quickly grasp at anything to distract myself. Phone. iPad. Laundry. Cleaning. Anything that will stop my brain from going down its current trail of thought.

In the middle of doing this the other day, the thought struck me just how quickly and effectively this distraction trick works. No more sadness. No more tears. Just 43 minutes of whatever show I am behind in on Hulu.

My mind immediately went to my soon-to-be-released ebook, The Wonder Woman’s Manifesto. In it I talk about various ways fear manifests its way in our lives, keeping us from what matters most. Distraction is one of those manifestations.

What am I afraid of?

Am I worried of bringing sadness into a beautiful day? Chances are everyone sitting around our dining table had similar thoughts. We all miss Mom.

Am I afraid of appearing weak? I know that grief is not weakness and that emotion is a gift from God. I know that expressing emotion aids in healing and that people who suppress emotion are more likely to develop physical illnesses than people who face and process their grief.

Am I afraid of losing control? Of streaking my make up? Of causing my father worry? The answer is likely yes to all of these things in various measures.

Emotions are basically puppies

The thing about emotions that we must remember is they aren’t house trained. You can keep them locked up for a while, but at some point, either with your permission or without it, they will get out and make a mess.

They might come out in anger. They might come out in overreacting to your kinds and yelling in frustration. They might come out in depression. They might come out in overeating, over committing at work, over scheduling your calendar, binge watching television, and any number of other things…but one way or another, they will come out.

Choosing to deal with your emotions in healthy ways such as talking to a friend or counselor, journaling, or doing things for others in remembrance of a lost loved one can aid in healing your own heart and being an encouragement to others. By choosing to ignore your emotions, you end up hurting yourself and others, often irreparably.

Creating beauty from pain

I read an article this week of a couple that lost their two young sons in an accident, a tragedy that could easily dissolve a marriage. However, instead of turning their grief inward, the Eddings chose to raise money in honor of their boys to open a school in Haiti. Because they chose to deal with their emotions generously, hundreds of children will now receive an education and the short lives of their sons will have generational impacts on innumerable families.

I encourage you to think of what you might be using in your life as a distraction. Is there an unresolved pain you are hiding from? How can you face that pain in a positive way that will allow yourself to heal and be a help to someone else? What might God be asking you to do with your ashes?

Asking yourself these questions can be difficult, but it can also be rewarding. I challenge you today to name what you are hiding from as a first step in healing. Acknowledge that you are using _____ to distract you from _____ and then ask God for strength to face that pain and turn it into a blessing instead.

God’s desire is to bring beauty from the ashes of our pain, but we must be active participants in the process. Will you let Him do a great work in you?