by Donya Dunlap | Nov 22, 2016 | Guest Posts, Random
Today’s post comes to us from the lovely and generous, Stephanie L. Jones. As I was contemplating the holidays and what they mean to me this year, I decided to ask Stephanie to share from her wealth of experience in making life a little better for those she meets and invites into her home.
Stephanie is a speaker, life coach and soon to be author of The Giving Challenge: 40 Days to a More Generous Life. She helps people “Dream, Discover, Do.” As a fearless changemaker, she’s been a private investigator, police officer, and senior manager in a Fortune 100 company. Stephanie has traveled to 46 states, attended Oprah’s Oscar show, and auditioned for her own TLC show in NYC. To learn more about Stephanie go to www.GivingGal.com.
Did you know another word for a holiday is rest? Shocking! When was the last time your holiday was peaceful? Imagine hosting a gathering in your home feeling relaxed and content. Whether you are opening your home to friends and family on Thanksgiving, Christmas or a guest in someone’s home, your hospitality doesn’t need to come at the cost of your health and sanity.
Hospitality defined
According to Google, the definition of hospitality is the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers. Notice there is no mention of immaculate home free of dust bunnies, Pinterest-perfect food presentation, use of best china and fine silverware, or breaking the bank to redecorate the home with new paint and furniture. The latter may sound extreme, but I’ve heard of people doing this…for what? To impress people that “should” love you (and your home) just the way you are.
Pondering these words from Present Over Perfect author, Shauna Niequist,
For years, I have bridged that gap between differing opinions, tempered my own, made sure that everyone in the room was happy and fed and taken care of. It began as a clean love for hospitality, but over the years, I think, it devolved into caretaking and people pleasing at the expense of my own self, at the expense of telling the truth about what I think and what I need and what matters most to me.
Her words stung. I felt a punch in the gut when I read “caretaking and people pleasing.” Guilty! When did this become our responsibility during family celebrations?
Here are five things you can do to prepare your soul for upcoming festivities
- Find a quiet place, hide in the closet if you must, and grab a pen and paper.
- Grab your Bible and read Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
- Focus on this scripture. Before food and home preparations, it’s important to prepare your heart to serve your loved ones. Memorize Matthew 11:28 and repeat these words as often as necessary over the next two months.
- Jot down everything that worries and stresses you out about the holidays. Get them out of your head and on paper. Moving forward, don’t let negativity steal your joy and control your thoughts.
- Close your eyes and envision your home for the holidays. Use all your senses. What smells are waffling in the air? Do you hear laughter and feel the warm embrace of loved ones? I bet you see smiles and taste pumpkin pie…or if you are like me you taste the whip crème. Savor this moment. Don’t be in a rush to move on. Let these feelings soak into your bones. My guess is your writings and what you envisioned doesn’t match
Hospitality starts in the heart
Are you getting excited for the holidays? Is your attitude changing? Do you realize the difference between what’s important and what’s not?
As descriptive as possible, compose your definition of hospitality. Think back to number five and incorporate the thoughts that danced in your head. At the bottom of your paper, transcribe Matthew 28:11. When finished, post your note on the refrigerator as a constant reminder the world’s interpretation of celebrating the holidays doesn’t match the definition of hospitality. Take refuge and rest in the one who created you.
The holiday you dreamed of is within your reach. Remember hospitality is all about how you make people feel in your home. If you are uptight and stressed, your guests will feel it. Be generous with hugs, laughter, and listening. This year, I’m giving you permission to change your ways and enjoy the holidays.
by Donya Dunlap | Nov 4, 2016 | Guest Posts, The Single Life
This is a guest post by Whitney Pendell. Whitney blogs at Come Home For Comfort where she shares about her faith, marriage, organization and frugal living – all the things that bring comfort to her home. She shares her home with her husband of almost six years and their two very spoiled cats.
When I was in college, there were certain girls who people joked were only in school to obtain an “MRS” degree. It was usually girls who chose a major like Family and Consumer Science or something in the school of Religion. I am not sure how successful their supposed strategy turned out to be, but I think we can all agree that most girls have marriage at the top of their life goals!
Marriage is an honorable goal – God created it! There are those who, in God’s perfect plan, are called to a life of singleness – but most of us will find that MRS degree somewhere along the path of God’s will for our lives. What should you do if you desire to be married but haven’t seen an answer to your prayer? I believe you can (and should!) begin preparing yourself to be a godly wife long before you meet the man of your dreams.
#1 Create Good Housekeeping Habits
Whether you live alone or with a roommate, you can establish good housekeeping habits.
Find a weekly cleaning routine that works for your schedule and keep up with the daily chores as well – putting laundry away, washing dishes after a meal and leaving a room neater than you found it.
Learn to cook – and if you already know how to cook, master the art of having all the components of a meal ready at the same time.
Make a weekly menu plan and grocery list – you might only need to fix two meals for yourself during a normal week, but getting in the habit of shopping and menu planning will be so beneficial!
Host people in your home – whether you plan a monthly supper club with your girlfriends or invite a married couple for Sunday dinner, entertaining is an invaluable skill and great for impressing future in-laws! 🙂
The woman of Proverbs 31 is described as someone who looks well to the ways of her household and is not idle. Good housekeeping habits will benefit your personal life no matter how long you remain single, and will certainly make life a lot easier when you are married.
#2 Study Godly Wives
Getting married doesn’t magically make you a good wife. It actually has a funny way of revealing all your annoying habits and idiosyncrasies! In order to be a godly wife, you have to know what that looks like. Study the women around you who model the kind of wife you desire to be. Don’t spend all your time with single people – ask a married lady you admire to mentor you. Read blogs and books on marriage. Study the book of Proverbs and look for each time the word woman or wife is mentioned. There is such great wisdom (and warning) found through the women of Proverbs!
#3 Enjoy Being Single
When I graduated from college, I was as single as the day is long. I had no prospects – not even a crush! So I decided to enjoy the perks of being single, knowing that those years would probably be the ones where I had the most money, energy, and free time. I worked a lot, volunteered at church in everything from choir to missions trips, attended concerts and sporting events, shopped for hours with my girlfriends, visited family, ate out for lunch and supper whenever I wanted, and had so much fun.
If you’ve been single for ten years or more, you might be past the stage of life where all of that is appealing. My advice to you now? Look for things you can enjoy about being single. This exercise is beneficial in every stage of life. Learn how to enjoy your current stage of life and you’ll be better off no matter what!
#4 Be Confident That God Is Enough
I’m not saying, “Be confident that God is enough because you might never get married and you’ll be all alone.” Nope. Not at all. The biggest struggle I’ve faced in married life is learning that my husband is not supposed to meet all of my needs. As a Christian, my hope and expectation is in God. If you can learn that now you will save yourself so much frustration and heartache! It can be easy to default to your husband as the strength, provider, listening ear, compassionate heart and source of all love and security. He might be willing to be those things for you, but he is human and he will fail you! God doesn’t fail. He will be all of those things for you, no matter if you’re a Miss or a Mrs.!
by Donya Dunlap | Nov 20, 2015 | Guest Posts
Late last year a friend asked me to help her with a project for a class she was taking. She was learning to be a Life Coach and needed a guinea pig to practice on. I agreed thinking that I was doing her a favor, but in reality, God used her in my life in a tremendous way to see some things in my heart that I couldn’t see in the mirror. I needed outside perspective and gentle (and not so gentle at times) prodding to come to understand things that were buried deeply in my heart. I am so grateful for my friend Kim, and I consider it an honor to have her guest posting today. To learn more about life coaching, or to read more of her godly wisdom, visit kimadamsmorgan.com.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4
The Trials of Life
Wouldn’t it be a wonderful thing if we could all make it through life without facing any fears; without going through challenges; without getting our hearts broken?
I know you are all probably shaking your heads yes with vivid memories dancing around in your mind. For some, the wounds are still healing. But the answer to this question is a big NO, it would be very bad.
We are all here on this earth for a reason; a purpose. It can be a challenge to figure out what that purpose is – but it is not impossible. And it is in those challenges and in those trials that we learn our most valuable lessons. It’s when we find out what we are really made of.
It takes patience, dedication, faith and constant pursuit to discover one’s calling (please note I did not say career). It also takes the right perspective, and we don’t always have this when we are close to a situation. That’s when the help of family, a close friend, a pastor/HomeGroup or a Christian Life Coach can be invaluable.
Think of your life as a work of art. After all, we are all God’s beautiful creations created in the image of Jesus. Now, what do you see when you look in the mirror? Think about this for a moment. Write down four – five adjectives to describe yourself.
Next, ask your parents or a sibling to do the same for you, maybe even a close friend. If you have a HomeGroup in your church, ask them to also do this.
See how the answers will vary as the perspectives get farther removed from the source – YOU.
You see, we don’t have perspective about ourselves. We are too close to the situation. Emotions are involved; time and attention has been invested; sometimes money too. We can’t see clearly. We only see what we want to see. Depending on the friendships we’ve formed and the people that surround us, we can influence their perspective on our life.
Why We Need Trusted Advisors
When we surround ourselves with people of character and integrity they don’t tell us what we want to hear, they tell us what we NEED to hear. They tell us things that will help us grow and thrive. They help us to see where God might be calling us. They help to keep us out of vulnerable situations. They keep us out of danger.
If you don’t have friends in your life that can help with this, a life coach can be a valuable asset. They can help give the perspective you need in your life so that you can achieve the calling you were meant to pursue.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.” Jeremiah 29:12-13 (NIV)
Unique Perspectives – From the bottom up
Let’s go back to your life as a work of art. As you continue to get frustrated at not meeting your goals, or as you continue to feel lost in the direction of your life, your canvas might look like someone just took a can of paint and threw it. We have all been here…more than once.
To your parents and friends this same canvas (of your life) might look a bit messy, but they can see the work you are doing and the progress being made.
To your HomeGroup this canvas may highlight your heart and courage, where your spiritual gifts are and how you have been of service in the church.
As a Christian Life Coach, we are trained to not only actively listen to what our client tells us, we watch for non-verbal cues which can be so much more of the conversation. For the Christian Coach, their client’s canvas could be an amazing work of art well on its way to a masterpiece. With fine-tuning after listening to the client’s needs, the focus becomes clear for both parties.
The Creator of this masterpiece is God. He sees our canvas in full, vivid color. He knows what our finished products will look like. Why? He sees all things. He has in infinite perspective.
Are there bumps in the road? Yes
Those bumps in the road provide us with such unique learning opportunities; such wonderful perspective on life and on our faith – and on Jesus; the next time we have a bump in the road we will be more equipped to handle it. And we will be more equipped to help others through those turbulent times.
God Bless the trials we face. They strengthen our faith and allow us to help others in need.
If you’d like more information about Christian Life Coaching Services or would like to request services, click on the highlighted link.
Where do you need some outside perspective in your life?
by Donya Dunlap | Jul 10, 2013 | Guest Posts, Making a Difference, Modern Day Slavery
Through my good friends at The You Are Project, I was introduced to Kelly Master and her anti-trafficking organization, Dining for Dignity. Kelly’s boldness, tenacity, passion, and commitment to women inspires me and challenges me every time I think of her or listen to her speak. I asked Kelly to share some of her story and the birth of Dining for Dignity with us today and I hope she is as much of a blessing to you as she is to me.
From their website: “Dining for Dignity (DfD) is a non-profit organization that utilizes social media and public forums to expose the reality of sex trafficking. Understanding the complexity of trafficking, DfD is linking arms with government agencies, local leaders and the public to influence change. Our goal is to educate communities through discussion, awareness and prevention.”
Think you’re not qualified to truly make a difference?
Think again!
During a season of great frustration and stress, I longed to make a greater impact on my world. Learning to be content in this season, understanding that doors would open in due time became key in my peace. One day while doing my laundry a “God idea” dropped in my heart. Start a monthly breakfast and call it Dining for Dignity. Immediately I sensed we would gather to dine and highlight ministries that restored dignity to women and children’s lives. So I gave it a go. Little did I know what God had in store for me.
The Discovery
Stumbling upon human trafficking stories on the internet seized my heart! I was undone at the reality that millions of women and children were being sold for sex across the globe. Consumed with this discovery, I read every story I could find and watched every video clip available. Conscious that children five years old were being sold for sex in undercover footage from Cambodia rocked my world. Viewing pictures and reading true stories of the red light district in India and Thailand pierced my heart. Fully understanding that my life as I knew it would never be the same, I began raising my voice and sounding the clarion call. I became a woman on a mission! These monthly meetings quickly turned the corner. No longer was I simply highlighting other ministries, but now, I was going full force to raise awareness about human trafficking.
Team Effort
Trafficking is a beast! There is not one simple solution to bring down this giant. Realizing a team effort would be our best defense; we linked arms with government officials, media, community leaders, churches and other trafficking advocates. In addition to our monthly meetings, I began to speak at Universities, churches, Q&A panels, and special events. Our sphere of influence continues to grow as abolitionists are joining the ranks.
Exotic Evangelism
In addition to sex trafficking advocacy, our team expanded to outreach the adult industry. Each month I lead a group of women into strip clubs across South Jersey and Philadelphia sharing the unconditional love of Christ. Our motive is purely to encourage, love and inspire these young ladies lives with the reality that they are valued and purposed. Christ called us to shine our lights and we have discovered that our lights shine brightest in the darkest. Our witness of love is building bridges into a community that has typically been shunned by the church. Jesus truly loves strippers, porn stars, you and me. How will they know unless we tell them? How can we tell them unless we go?
Father: I pray that each person that reads these words will be encouraged in walking out Your word. I ask that Your precious Holy Spirit lead, guide and direct us. More than that, I ask that every excuse be wiped away and a fresh tenacity to love would light our paths. In your precious name I pray.
Has Kelly’s story encouraged or challenged you in some way? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
by Donya Dunlap | May 13, 2013 | Guest Posts, The Spiritual Life
Today, I invited a friend, pastor’s wife, and brand new author to share with us. Leah has been a great encouragement to me through the modern miracle of social media. I am thrilled about her book, Expecting Grace, and I am so glad she has taken the time to share her heart with us. If you like what you read here, visit her blog at embracingrace.com or click over to Amazon and get her e-book for only $3.99!
Sunday morning, in the church foyer, two little girls chattered. Like magnets, Tiny Daughter and “new girl” had found each other and had stayed together all morning.
I listened in as Tiny Daughter’s voice chirped out a phrase of friendship: “You can be my new sister!” she pronounced with gusto. She didn’t even know her name yet.
New Girl smiled. Tiny Daughter went on, “You can come to my house with your mommy, and your mommy and my mommy can be friends. You can even stay in my room. You can be my new sister!” She proclaimed her intentions loudly, and I marveled.
Marveled at how easily Tiny Daughter makes friends…how she reaches out to other little people she doesn’t even know. No walls in her heart; she doesn’t know that people are “supposed” to have walls. (I’m so glad) I watch my little one and realize that she found the door in this other little person’s heart.
She goes farther than “hello,” skips over “how are you, I’m fine,” races past “will you be my friend?” and goes right to “you can be my sister.”
In 1 Thessalonians 2, Paul writes about the deep care he had for the folks in the church at Thessalonica, “But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children: So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls, because ye were dear unto us.”
Isn’t that a beautiful picture of the encouragement we could be to each other as women?! So many soft words in those verses: gentle, affectionate, cherish, willing, dear. My heart is often heavy for women everywhere who are hurting. As a pastor’s wife, I see the situations. I do the counseling. I hear the stories. My heart breaks with each one. Women suffer heartbreak from many different sources, and they desperately need gentle soul care.
We are called to give our very souls to each other through earnest prayer and encouraging, edifying words. If we’re looking for them, we’ll find many opportunities to be affectionate toward each other in meeting practical needs (this means we have to take the time to find out what the needs are!). In truth, everyone needs a soul sister.
“He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3
God understands the heartbreak of the people He created. He wants to meet you in your pain. Pour in oil and soothe the hurt. He wants to use other people to help you heal, and He wants to use YOU to help others heal. God put us on the earth together for a reason- because we NEED each other.
Today and every day, minister intentionally to other women. Reach out to perfect strangers that God brings across your path. Sometimes a simple smile or kind word can revolutionize a person’s whole demeanor. God can use even the tiniest things to open doors of further opportunity to build friendships and to share the Gospel. And while you’re looking for those “appointments,” celebrate with fellow believers the blessings of being women of God. Share Scripture with them, build them up, write notes to them, hug them, cry with them, laugh with them, pray with them. Infuse encouragement into them. You know the God Who heals, so let Him use you to be a balm in someone’s soul.
The precious part? While you’re reaching out, God will be healing the wounds in your own heart.
You will be amazed.
Leah Highfill accepted Christ as her Saviour and became a child of God at the age of 18. A United States transplant to Canada almost 8 years ago, she enjoys serving in full time ministry as a pastor’s wife and a mom to two medical miracles. She homeschools her 6 year old and teaches private piano lessons on the side. When she’s not involved with family or church, she can be found writing/blogging, playing the piano, or ice skating. She considers her life to be an ongoing testimony of God’s incredible grace! Leah has a passion to inspire and encourage women in their walk with God, to reach out to other pastor’s wives, and to support women who are facing difficult pregnancies. Her first book, Expecting Grace, has just been published. Expecting Grace is the story of Leah’s experience and survival of a life threatening pregnancy, and of many miracles along the way. Join her journey at Embracingrace.com.
![Taking Back Our Minds [guest post by Sundi Jo Graham]](https://i0.wp.com/www.donyadunlap.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/believe_BLOG.png?resize=435%2C235&ssl=1)
by Donya Dunlap | Nov 15, 2012 | Guest Posts, The Spiritual Life
You’re a failure.
You’re not good enough.
You’ll never amount to anything.
You have to be perfect.
You have to look perfect.
Any of these hitting home with you?
Photo credit: spike55151 / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA
Are there other lies you’ve believed about yourself, whether they’ve been words spoken to you, or something you’ve come up with yourself? I encourage you to write them down.
As an eight-year old, I specifically remember lies being spoken to me by my third grade teacher. I took them as truth and over the years, those lies were rooted deep within me. I still find myself sometimes having to remember what the truth is.
I have struggled with my weight all my life. Because I was a larger kid, I was an easy target for the wrath of my teacher. She would often make me skip lunch, telling me how fat I was. Not only that, but there were times she would make me run laps around the playground while she shouted obscene words at me. I have to wonder today what was in her heart at that time and pray that God has set her free from the lies she believed.
I believed the lie that I would always be fat. So, what did I do? Ate my feelings away. I protected myself from others by using my weight. I was held in the trap of obesity. I desperately wanted to lose weight and have a life, but I was too scared to allow others to get close to me. The more I believed lies about who I was, the more I turned to cheeseburgers, pizza, and Mountain Dew for comfort.
Until…
I finally stopped believing the lies. I was done letting the words of others and the lies I believed control me. I lost 145 lbs. and replaced that unwanted baggage with truth.
We have to stop letting others control us. We have to take back our minds.
If you’re reading this post today and find yourself in a similair struggle, I want you to picture me sitting across from you, holding your hands, and speaking this truth to you.
You can take back your mind. You don’t have to be perfect. You are not a failure. You are loved. And this I promise you – there is hope.
In what areas are you struggling to take back your mind today?
Sundi Jo
This guest post was written by my friend Sundi Jo Graham. If it was a blessing to you, I encourage you to leave a comment for her below.
Sundi Jo is a writer, speaker, and small business owner, making her home in Branson, Missouri. She is the author of Liar Liar, a manifesto that will challenge you, change your heart, and lead you in the right direction to believe the truth about your true identity. You’ll find her engulfed in the social media world, spending time with friends and family, hanging out in a pair of jeans and flip-flops, or writing. Find Sundi Jo on Facebook or Twitter(@sundijo).
