by Donya Dunlap | Jul 29, 2016 | Book Reviews, Making a Difference
Of all the Christian living books I’ve read, and I’ve read a lot of them, Love Does by Bob Goff is the most lighthearted, entertaining, and refreshing. It is a weaving of humorous life stories with spiritual principles he’s learned along the way. He makes you think, but in a way that inspires you to change rather than condemn you for the way you are.
What It’s Not
At first I was a little taken aback by the lack of Christianese. A person who has never seen a Bible or stepped foot in a church could read Love Does and understand every word. I realized quickly that this strips the religion out of the subject, and that is a wonderful thing when you are talking about being like Jesus.
The lack of religiosity also supports his premise that love is an action, not a feeling or an idea. If we love someone, we will do everything we can to make them happy and ensure their well being. Just reading all about a person does not put us in relationship with that person. We must interact with them and serve them.
What It Is
But what does that mean when we talk about loving Jesus? According to Bob, don’t just read and memorize Scripture—you do what it says. When it says to love your neighbor, you actually leave your house and go to where they are. You listen to them, interact with them, and help them however you can. When a stranger you just met wants to propose to his girlfriend on your porch, you provide the dinner music. If children are unjustly imprisoned in Uganda, and you’re a lawyer like Bob, you use your gifts to set them free. When God blesses you with material gifts, you use your excess to give to the poor. If your friend is dying, you make sure they have one last memory-making caper before they go.
The whole point of Love Does is DOING whatever you need to do to be Jesus to that person in that moment. Love doesn’t wait. It doesn’t write up a pro’s and con’s sheet. Love does what is in its power to do.
Of course, Bob says it much better than I can. He’s a pretty funny guy. And his life backs up his words. Pick up a copy of Love Does and discover for yourself “a secretly incredible life in an ordinary world.”
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by Donya Dunlap | Jul 26, 2016 | Making a Difference, The Single Life
In my last post, I shared several ways couples can bless their single friends. Today I’d like to explore several ways singles can bridge the gaps between other life stage groups as well. Whether deserved or undeserved, singles often have the reputation of being self-focused. However, singles can take steps to live generously with their time, money, and resources. I believe this can be done in four main ways.
1: Service
Singles have the great benefit of setting their own schedules and committing to projects without worrying how it will impact their family schedule. Serving others requires nothing but time and a heart to be a blessing. Several ways that singles can serve other life stage groups include:
- Volunteering at church
- Housecleaning for senior citizens
- Making freezer meals for a new mom
- Ministering as a youth leader
- Doing yard work for a person with disabilities
The possibilities for service are endless. With prayer and a little open-eyed effort, God will provide singles areas of service that fit them well.
2: Sacrifice
Sacrifice is a scary word, but it doesn’t have to be. Think of it as a challenge. In what way can singles take service to the next level? Remember that living generously includes time, money, and resources. What resources can singles share with someone else?
- Visit house bound or nursing home bound individuals
- Be a Big Brother or Big Sister mentor
- Organize a fundraiser for a cancer patient
- Teach senior citizens how to connect with their families through social media
- Take a group of children berry picking
- Sponsor a child through Compassion International
Singles may not have a lot of money to give, or a lot of time to spare, but with a little creativity they can make great sacrifices for the kingdom.
3: Solidarity
Singles are often alone and lonely, but they don’t have to be. It seems natural for a married couple to be hospitable, but in Scripture, many singles opened their homes as well. Having a home need not be a prerequisite either. All singles need is a public space and a desire to connect.
- Start a book club
- Lead a Bible study
- Host a game or movie night
- Organize a picnic at a local park
- Take a group of teens bowling
- Organize a Mom’s Night Out
The key here is to go beyond a comfortable group of friends. Cross those life stage lines and bridge those generational gaps!
4: Sincerity
I recently discussed this in the post Handwritten Inspiration, but the power of words cannot be overstated. Singles can take initiative to bless those around them with the spoken or written word and change a life for the better. Words of kindness have been known to impact the direction of a child’s future or prevent suicide. Singles can spread seeds of kindness through:
- Thank you notes
- Written prayers
- Letters of appreciation
- Celebrating people in thankless jobs
Go beyond the like button and tweet. Grab a stack of notecards and a pen and make a difference in someone’s life today!
If we are to be an active, healthy body of Christ we must find ways to serve each other. We must break down the comfortable walls life stages naturally erect. There are no marital boundaries on generosity and hospitality. Singles can and should take the first step in bridging the social gaps in the church. Helping others is what being the body of Christ is all about.
The above are only a few suggestions out of innumerable ways singles can actively bless those around them. What ways have you been a blessing as a single or have received a blessing from a single? Leave a comment below to join the conversation.
by Donya Dunlap | Jul 20, 2016 | Making a Difference, The Single Life
As a single, my life is full of all the joy and blessings God has for me. I don’t consider myself a lesser person because I am not married, despite many of the messages I hear to the contrary. However, I admit that marriage provides certain benefits singles lack. Several benefits are simply inaccessible or inappropriate for singles to experience within the will of God. But there are at least four ways couples can share the love and companionship they experience in marriage with their single friends.
1: Safety
My most favorite home was a little craftsman bungalow in Anderson, South Carolina. It was the cutest, most personable place I have ever enjoyed, and also the least safe. Thankfully, I lived just around the corner from one of the pastors of the church I attended. He and his wife were friends and often encouraged me to call if I ever felt like I was in trouble. This was a wonderful way to provide for me in an area I lacked. You can help the singles in your life in a similar way.
- Be present during Craig’s List exchanges
- Help them evaluate the safety of a neighborhood before they move
- Keep their spare car and house keys
- Be an emergency contact
- Check their tire treads for wear
- Call them for a safety check during first dates
While our ultimate source of security should be Jesus, being a second layer of safety for a single can be a great support.
2: Sounding Board
When a person is contemplating a deep spiritual truth, a modern philosophy, or even a life change, it helps to talk with someone. You can be the sounding board your single friends need.
- Car shop with them
- Read and discuss books with them over coffee
- Help them reason through pros and cons in a time of decision making
You can tell a person to “call anytime” but unless a single truly feels that they won’t be interrupting your kid’s bedtime, they won’t call. Make sure they trust they can count on you, and always be honest if you are unavailable. Knowing that another person has a listening ear for them can give a single great peace of mind.
3: Someone to “Do Life” with
Obviously, couples have a greater advantage here, but it is possible to fill some of this need for singles as well. A few, simple ideas for doing life with a single include:
- Shopping
- Exercising
- Have a crock pot meals prep day
- Girls Night
- Road Trip!
- Paint a room
- Fixing a headlight
Singles aren’t looking to pull you away from your family indefinitely. They may even enjoy spending time with your family under certain circumstances. But while inviting them for dinner can make them feel like a “third wheel,” taking time to be with them on their turf can meet the need for companionship we all desire.
4: Spiritual Development
I am tempted to use the word “prodding” in place of development as couples have a built in “iron sharpening iron” situation. As my friend Christie put it, “when you are sleeping with someone and sharing toothbrush space, it gets real.” It takes more intentionality to provide this for a single, but there are several ways you can help a single go farther in their spiritual walk.
- Engage in purposeful spiritual discussion
- Ministry projects
- Fasting
- Praying
- Memorizing Scripture
While it is natural for couples to turn to each other for all of these needs, I challenge you to choose one way to bless a single this week as an act of service. Being the body of Christ means that we are all connected, married and single alike. Going outside of our comfort bubbles to help another Christian is what the church is all about.
Thankfully, I am greatly blessed in my friendships and am able to use many personal examples in the situations listed above. If you are a single that has experienced couples filling in gaps for you, I’d love to hear your stories below. And you couples are welcome to join the conversation too! We’re all family here.
by Donya Dunlap | Jul 8, 2016 | Book Reviews, Making a Difference, Modern Day Slavery
Before jumping into the review for Unashamed, I’d like to give you a little backstory on how the author’s ministry has personally impacted my life.
I learned of Christine Caine through video of the Passion Conference several years ago. At that time, I had not heard the words “human trafficking.” I didn’t know that there are approximately 27 million people enslaved today, more slaves now than at any other time in history.1 I had no idea that Atlanta, a city I had lived in for five years, was one of the 14 leading cities in the United States for commercial sex trafficking of children.2 All of this changed during the 40+ minutes of that video.
God interrupted my blissfully ignorant existence that day and broke my heart. Christine taught on the Good Samaritan and shared her testimony of how she came to start the A21 Campaign—a bold mission striving to abolish injustice in the 21st century. As she spoke, God used her passion to expand my desire to reach women for Christ. My life will never be the same. For that, I am eternally grateful.
Since then, Christine has written three books detailing much of her story: Undaunted, Unstoppable, and Unashamed. I have found her written words to be just as powerful and directed by the Holy Spirit as her spoken words. She has also recently started Propel Women—a ministry targeted at raising up godly women leaders. I encourage you to familiarize yourself with both ministries mentioned and all of her books.
Unashamed
In her latest book, Unashamed, Christine shares how Satan began to bind her with cords of shame in kindergarten. Instead of making new friends as she had hoped, she became a target for bullying her very first lunch period. She compensated for her hurt and loneliness by excelling in academics and athletics. But rather than receiving praise for her accomplishments, she was told that good Greek girls weren’t supposed to be smarter and more accomplished than the boys. She was shamed into hiding her true self. In addition to her struggles at school, Christine began to be sexually abused as well. Even after coming to know Christ personally, her pain, fear, and unforgiveness held her in bondage.
Throughout the book, Christine shares how God lead her step by step into freedom. It didn’t happen all at once. God, our Good Shepherd, leads us gently out of our past and into our future. But over time, the Holy Spirit helped her to forgive those that had damaged her. His power broke the chains of her shame, allowing her to walk freely in Jesus’ name.
This book will surprise you
To be honest, I first bought Unashamed because I wanted to use up a gift card. I didn’t think I needed it. I was wrong. God used it to show me I have unknowingly been walking in shame in certain areas for years. Unashamed stirred within me a desire for healing in these areas. I know that God wants me to be free, and I know that my ministry will be greater for it. I am choosing now to take a hard look at my past through the lens of the biblical principles Christine used for her own healing.
Whether or not the subject matter speaks to you, I encourage you to read this book. At the very least, you will be blessed by Christine’s journey of forgiveness and freedom. Hopefully, you will also embark on your own.
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by Donya Dunlap | Sep 11, 2015 | Making a Difference, The Single Life, The Spiritual Life
I have chosen to live in Charlotte, North Carolina. It’s where I sleep and work and go to church, but some days my heart is elsewhere. Today, as with many of my fellow Americans, my heart has been in New York City, remembering the fallen, and the brave. Much of the last few days it’s in a hospital room with my dad in Michigan. In a few weeks, it will be with my newborn niece in Georgia. Most of the time it’s on the seashore of a deserted island.
A very wise man once said,
Home is where the heart is.
-Pliny the Elder (23-79 AD)
I believe this is even more true for the Christian than for the average citizen. The Christian’s home is with Christ. As a result, we will have a growing discontent and restlessness that points our mind heavenward. The “growing pains” of loneliness and frustration with the current world system should be clues that we are to run to Christ with our concerns instead of trying to find a solution in politics or even the church. That’s not to say that Christians shouldn’t strive to improve this world or even be better members within the church, but our final satisfaction and fulfillment will ultimately be in Christ.
But even with this understanding, how do you practically make the most of your life when your heart feels like it’s walking around outside your chest? Where is “home” on the days when your heart is in pieces scattered all over the globe? What then?
I have found that there are three actions I can take when my heart is restless or “homesick.”
- Choose thankfulness. Find reasons to love the city or season in which you find yourself. Keep a blessings or a gifts journal. Try to find circumstances within the situations that further your life goals and be grateful for them.
- Voice your love. I am especially burdened with this thought today, the 14th anniversary of 9/11/2001, the day the Twin Towers fell. So many voices that day were silenced. So many unspoken words. So many families forever altered. My heart still grieves for them. But you and I, we must choose to use the voices we still have for love. Send a letter. Make a phone call. Tell those you miss that you are thinking of them and that you appreciate the role they have in your life. You never know when God may choose to sever those ties. Say the words while you have time.
- Make the most of every day. Wishing you were here or there never makes it so—especially when your wishes carry you to the past or future. Live in the present. It’s okay to feel lonely or to miss a loved one, but to remain emotionally stuck is not God’s plan for us. He desires for us to engage with those in our spheres of influence as Joseph did in Egypt and Daniel did in Babylon. If you find yourself struggling with moving forward in your life, I encourage you to seek godly counsel.
As planes fly over my apartment on this date full of meaning and memories, I am reminded that no one is guaranteed tomorrow. Time is still fleeting, despite all the safety features we have built in to our lives. So while you still live, and breathe—be thankful, be loving, be engaged…and in so doing you will change your self and your world.
by Donya Dunlap | Sep 3, 2015 | Making a Difference
Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl is one of my all-time favorite movies, for several reasons.
- It’s the best packing/cleaning movie of all time because of…
- The music.
- But then there’s…
- The scenery,
- The sarcasm,
- THE Johnny Depp,
- And last but not least…
- The credits.
Pirates was one of the first movies to reward those who watch to the very end with an enchore performance by Jack…the monkey. But beyond this clever filming jewel, I love the credits because they acknowledge every person that assisted in the making of the movie, including the people who served the snacks on set. And you should see the list of accountants!
I say “rarely” because I’ve been taught to never say never. Even the lone writer, hidden away in a cabin has the benefit of teachers, family members, other authors, and more that make his work possible.
However, there are times when people feel alone in their passion or their position. This can manifest in two different mindsets: the “Go It Alone” and “I’m All Alone” attitudes. Regardless of whether you are blazing a trail of independence or throwing a party of the pity variety, the destructive aftermath looks the same.
Pride
No one likes an arrogant jerk, but those who keep the limelight to themselves are just that. You may have worked hard and sacrificed much to get where you are, but you didn’t do it alone. Your circle of influence will sense your martyr syndrome and be hurt by it. Take time to reflect on those that have poured into you and thank them for helping make your successes possible.
If you find yourself chewing on a helping of “woe is me,” the same advice applies. Have you been pushing people away with your attitude? Do you feel like God gave your calling to you and that makes you 100% responsible for seeing it through? Have you pushed aside offers of help because no one can do it like you can? Put down that whine, eat a bite of humble pie, and consider how you can invite others to your party.
Pressure to Perform
The weight of carrying a project, organization, or passion alone will crush you. It turns even the most joyful tasks into drudgery. The Old Testament prophet Elijah knew this feeling well. He started to believe that the whole of God’s plan for Israel rested solely on his shoulders. This belief crumpled him into a whiney, self-absorbed, whimpering mess. He couldn’t take the pressure. What he didn’t realize was that God never expected him to be a one-man revolution. There were 7,000 others.
It is true that loneliness is real and can be a difficult thing to bear. Thankfully, God has raised up ministries like Propel for women in leadership, Embracing Grace for pastors wives, and Infusion, for women of every life stage to find community, encouragement, and support in their journeys. God never meant for us to serve Him alone. That is why He gave Eve to Adam, Barnabas to Paul, and “the fiercest pirates in the Spanish Main” to Captain Jack Sparrow. It might take a little searching, but He will lead you to your community if you ask Him to guide you.
Isolation
Trying to do it all yourself or choosing to take all the credit for a job well done will eventually lead you to the same destination: isolation. Independence is an American virtue—but only to a point. Refusing to appreciate or include those around you will drive them away. If you don’t want your feelings to result in a self-fulfilling prophecy, then it’s time to make some changes. Write some thank you notes. Make a few apologies. Ask for advice. Encourage others in their strengths. Share your dream and invite people along for the journey.
Seth Godin is a business mastermind and author of several books. He writes,
A tribe is a group of people connected to one another, connected to a leader, and connected to an idea…A group needs only two things to be a tribe: a shared interest and a way to communicate.
— Seth Godin (Tribes: We Need You to Lead Us)
The idea is not original to Godin. There is an African proverb that states,
If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.
Going together takes intentionality.
If you want to be a leader marked by passion and influence, you must find and flourish within a tribe. Begin by looking for others to add to your credit roll.
“A man that hath friends must whew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” – Proverbs 18:24 KJV
To those of you that take the time to read and comment on these posts, I send a heart-felt thank you. It’s an honor I do not take lightly. If you are interested in supporting me financially as I write to be a blessing and lead through the ministry of Infusion, please visit my Patreon page to learn more.
