I know it feels like you are. Losing your lunch in a parking lot because of a panic attack makes you feel broken. Racing thoughts that keep sleep at bay for days at a time can make you wonder if you’re crazy. Having flashbacks that make you leave a full grocery cart in an aisle while you run to your car and lock the doors can make you feel you will never be normal. But please hear this:
There are mysteries that God created in the human body that doctors and scientists are just now beginning to understand. It’s been less than 100 years since scientists discovered neurons and the chemical and electrical functions within the brain. Less than 30 years since doctors discovered that traumas we experience in childhood impact our physical health into our adulthood, even playing a part in our life expectancy. Just in the last 10 years have scientists discovered that trauma can change our DNA, the effects of which can pass genetically on to our children—a truth shockingly relevant considering Deuteronomy 5:9-10.
“I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments.”
When the Psalmist recorded that you are beautifully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139), he wasn’t exaggerating to prove a point. God made you in His image—a wondrous masterpiece of cells and synapses woven together to proclaim His glory. When your body recognizes a potential threat and reacts according to the way God programmed it to protect you, that doesn’t mean that something’s wrong with you. Your body is doing exactly what God designed it to do. That you may later be ashamed by those reactions is nothing more than your Enemy whispering lies into your ears to make you feel shame God never intended for you to carry.
When God formed your body in the darkness of your mother’s womb, He did so with love. It doesn’t matter if the instigation of the miracle was rape or the woman who carried you abandoned you in the hospital, God loves you. God has always loved you and will always love you.
Nothing that you have done and nothing anyone has done to you can ever change God’s love for you. Sin is not bigger than your God. Trauma is not bigger than your God.
“Neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8:38-39
YOU ARE BRAVE.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
YOU ARE LOVED.
You are not broken. In fact, the next time the Enemy tries to make you feel less than the breathtaking masterpiece that you are, shout back at him this:
“I will greatly rejoice in the Lord; my soul shall exult in my God, for He has clothed me with the garments of salvation; He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom decks himself like a priest with a beautiful headdress, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.” – Isaiah 61:10
There is nothing more stunning than a glittering bride, and you, my friend, are the Bride of Christ. Hold your head high and let 2020 be the year you ripped the word “broken” from your vocabulary. You may be quirky, unique, and feisty. You can call yourself a work-in-progress. You can even be a phoenix rising out of the ashes of the past. But you are not, nor will you ever be broken.
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In the last few years, in lieu of making new year’s resolutions, I’ve chosen a word for the year. A banner, of sorts, which summarized and hopefully prophesied what God might do in and through me in the months ahead.
I had no plans to choose a word this year, but God chose one for me. As I served at Passion 2020, I had the privilege of hearing several of the messages. During a talk by Shelly Giglio, Holy Spirit swept into my heart with the word TRANSFORMATION. Instantly my spirit agreed. 2020 is to be a year of transformation. But what does that mean exactly?
Backing up nearly two months before (my how time flies), I recalled feeling defeated as my birthday shifted me from my 30s to my 40s. I thought of all God had done in the previous ten years and while I could see His hand moving at every stage, I still felt as if I had missed the mark. In that time I had written four, and released three books, none of them “successful” in the eyes of the publishing world, started a ministry that made little visible difference, and then moved to Michigan, a state most wise people move away from not to. I had dreamed for years to adopt by the age of 40 and now the idea of being a mom seemed more impossible than ever before. Having a home, an income capable of supporting a child, and a career to be proud of all felt like smoke and mirrors—illusions that disappeared into nothing as time marked on and left me empty and alone. My 30s were nothing more than a series of false starts and the next decade showed little promise of change.
Nevertheless, I went to Passion hopeful that the masses of young people would encourage my heart as they have the previous three years and that I would begin the new year and new decade refreshed in my spirit. I wasn’t disappointed.
The opening night of Passion, pastor Levi Lusko shared the history of the Roaring 20s, the prosperity of which inadvertently led to the Dirty 30s, a time of great drought, The Great Depression, and devastating wind and sand storms that destroyed industry and lives throughout the Great Plains states for eight years. He reminded us that the actions of one decade lead to the consequences of the next, but living in obedience to God in your 20s (or any decade) can lead to a great outpouring of God’s blessing in your 30s and beyond.
The last day of Passion, Shelly shared how she and Louie met and how their desire to know God intimately and serve Him in faith led to them pioneer a student ministry that paved the way for Passion Conferences. The first conference in 1997 had 2,000 attendees—23 years later, God filled a stadium with over 65,000 students and 3,500 volunteers to lift His name in praise and worship. The faithfulness of one couple’s 20s, 30s, and 40s are reaping a harvest of thousands of souls in their later years.
After coming home, I read the books “I Declare War” by Levi Lusko, and “Unexpected” by Christine Caine, another Passion 2020 speaker. In each of those books, I was reminded that what is done for God in the dark is magnified later for His glory. Levi said this:
“Public victory comes from private discipline. If you aren’t busting your butt to kill it where you are, God isn’t going to turn the volume up on your life. He isn’t going to export to greater platforms what isn’t working at home.”
In Christine’s book, she talked of her years working in student ministry throughout the backside of Australia before God called her to begin the worldwide anti-trafficking organization A21 at the age of 41 years old. She needed those years of obscurity to learn and prepare for standing before policymakers and heads of state to champion for the men, women, and children enslaved in human trafficking around the world. Today over 1,000 people have been rescued and restored through A21’s aftercare program because of one woman’s faithfulness when no one was paying any attention and her belief that God could do the impossible when He chose to.
Today I was reading the book “Experiencing God” by Henry and Richard Blackaby. In chapter 9 I read these words:
“Don’t be in a hurry to be constantly engaged in activities for God. He may spend years preparing your character or developing your love relationship with Him before He gives you a large assignment. Don’t get discouraged if the task or “call” does not come immediately. Remain faithful in what He has told you to do, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it may appear. God knows what He is doing. Focus on deepening your communion with God, and out of that fellowship will inevitably flow effective service for God.”
Will this be the year that my writing finally gathers the attention of an agent and publishing house? I don’t know. Will 2020 bring great success and life-change to the clients I serve through LifeClinic? I hope so, but there’s no guarantee there either. Will I become a mother? Will any of my personal or professional goals be achieved? Will my life be visibly transformed for all the world to see? Maybe. Maybe not.
What I do know, is that God wants to use this year to draw me closer to Him. He wants me to fall more and more in love with Him each passing day. He wants me to bring my concerns and dreams to Him in prayer, snuggle up to Him when I’m worried what the future holds, and seek His strength when I feel the tasks I’ve been called to are beyond my ability. In doing so I will be transformed.
There are many things I hope will come about as a result of the hidden work and prayers I planted in my 30s, but in actuality, I have very little control over the harvest. All I can do is continue in obedience and the growing of my faith and love for God. It’s His job to take my meager offerings and multiply them as He sees fit. Maybe He knows that a publishing contract would do more harm to my spirit than good. Maybe He has a different plan for the trauma program at LifeClinic than I envision. It could be the child He has chosen for me to mother hasn’t been born yet. It’s not my job to force my imagined future into being. My job is simply to be faithful, be obedient, and do the next right thing in faith.
Transformation, by Google’s definition, is “a thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance.” What that looks like come December 31st is up to God. Whether or not He has anything to work with is up to me. May He give me the strength, wisdom, and faith to follow Him wherever He may lead.
Several days ago I read Psalm 2 for my devotions and was struck by the invitation recorded in verses 7-9:
I will tell of the decree: The Lord said to me, “You are my Son; today I have begotten you. Ask of me, and I will make the nations your heritage, and the ends of the earth your possession. You shall break them with a rod of iron and dash them in pieces lie a potter’s vessel.”
Our God is such a gentleman! He made a plan for His Son, to make the ends of the earth His possession, to bring all nations under His rule. But the Son has a choice. “Ask of me” and it will be done. Obviously the nature of the Trinity and their unified relationship makes this passage more complicated than those three words alone, but as I was reading this Psalm normally referred to when speaking of the judgment of God, I was surprised to have this kind exchange brought to my attention.
I considered this invitation, this relationship between God the Father and God the Son and realized we as His sons and daughters have the very same relationship. You and I are invited into the same fellowship that the Trinity enjoys! Isn’t that amazing?
You’re invited into God’s family. The water of your new life has been paid by the blood of the Lamb. “And the Spirit and the bride say, “Come!” And let him who hears say, “Come!” And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely.” – Revelation 22:17
You’re invited into God’s presence and His kingdom purposes. “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.” – John 15:4-5
You’re invited into God’s plan for your life. “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me an ego and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” – Jeremiah 29:11-13
You’re invited into an intimate relationship with your Creator and Savior. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.” – Revelation 3:20
You’re invited into rest, leaving the worries of this world in His capable hands. “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30
You’re invited into healing. “Come, and let us return to the Lord; For He has torn, but He will heal us; He has stricken, but He will bind us up.” – Hosea 6:1
You’re invited into a behind-the-scenes look at His wisdom and the mysteries of His universe. “Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.” – Jeremiah 33:3
God invites us, but He never forces us or demands we comply. He offers a choice. Would you like life or death? Healing or brokenness? Purpose or wandering? Wisdom or foolishness?
The invitation has been extended to you, engraved by His hand and sealed by His blood, but it is up to you to accept, ask, open the door, and take His yoke. You are wanted, accepted, and welcome to join hands with the King of the Universe. The choice is yours.
During my teen years, I adopted a well-known slogan for beauty products as my personal mantra. “I’m worth it.”
Dress I don’t need? Why not? I’m worth it.
Extra scoop of mashed potatoes? Sure, I’m worth it.
Three little words that work wonders for selling hair color turned into an excuse to bypass self-discipline and a twisted concept of my value. As you can imagine, it didn’t take long before my mother put a stop to that line of thinking.
What my teenage self didn’t understand is that I am worth much more than a tasty pile of carbs. I am worthy of self-control because I am made in the image of God who thrives on order, beauty, and the careful maintenance of our bodies.
I am worthy of self-sacrifice because God made me into the image of His Son who sacrificed everything for the sake of the world.
I am worthy of love, honor, respect, kindness, joy, peace, patience, virtue, and so much more because of the imprint of the divine stamped on my life from the moment of conception.
And so are you.
We are all made in the image of God. This is why we are creative, funny, intelligent, and playful. The image of God in our lives allows us to set aside our to-do lists for the day and sit with a friend who is grieving. His imprint on our beings calls us to live for more than our selfish desires. It calls us to rise above the temporary things of this world and embrace the eternal.
We are all created in the image of God, but we don’t all live within the boundaries of His holiness. This is why sin is so grievous to God. It’s not like the spiritual equivalent to spilled milk. When we do, say, think, or harbor anything contrary to the nature of God, we violate the purpose of our creation. He designed us to live in such a way that draws people to Himself. Instead, we so often choose selfishness which gives people an excuse to reject Him.
That may sound extreme, but we’ve all heard the excuses:
“I don’t want to go to church. Christians are just a bunch of hypocrites.”
“If Christianity is like my [neighbor, cousin, boss] then I want nothing to do with it.”
“If God is so good, why did a drunk driver kill my family?”
In each of these cases, a person meant to draw someone to God turned a person away from God by falling short of God’s standard. True, that person may be misguided in their theology, but that doesn’t relinquish Christians from their guilt.
I am all for affirmations, but if we do not root our self-talk in the words of Scripture, it isn’t worth much. If we stomp all over our co-workers in search of promotion because we’re “worth it,” we may trample our chance to win them to Jesus.
The next time you feel a nudge to check your motives, run the situation through the filter of Isaiah 26:8:
Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts. (NIV)
Before you take that step, say those words, make that purchase, ask yourself:
Am I submitting to Jesus as Lord of my life at this moment?
Are my actions in accordance with the laws and principles of Scripture?
Am I waiting on the Holy Spirit to direct my steps in this decision?
Is my desire to glorify the name of God and make Him famous in this situation?
The temporary pleasures of living life according to the standard of “I’m worth it” pale compared to the joy you will receive from walking worthy of the calling God has placed on your life.
Wait, calling?
Yes, while we often use the term in Christian circles to designate employment in certain vocational roles like becoming a pastor or missionary, Scripture teaches we are all called by God to magnify His name throughout all the earth. How do we do that? By submitting our hearts to the Holy Spirit’s control and living out those daily nudges you feel to bless others. It’s both simple and impossible without a constant attitude of humility as Jesus taught:
He must increase, but I must decrease. John 10:10 (ESV)
I challenge you to consider your life this past week. Have you displayed an “I’m worth it” attitude or an “I’m worthy” submission? If you’re leaning towards the former, what can you change to make next week an example of the latter? The choice may seem difficult at first, but remember, a woman of godly character is worth far more than precious jewels in God’s economy. (Proverbs 31:10)
A woman stamped in the image of God is priceless. That’s why the cost to redeem her was Jesus’ own blood. You’re not “worth it.” You’re worthy.
Print, pin or share the image below to remember your true worth every time you see it.
Do you ever feel beaten down? Worn out? Weary from trying to gather enough hope to live another day?
I have. And I suspect you have too.
I’ve noticed when life gets difficult it seems problems pile upon problems. People get sick when there’s no extra time to rest. Appliances die when budgets are stretched to the max. Work becomes more demanding when your emotions are frayed and wearing thin.
Our Opponent
I fear this is no coincidence. Try as I might to ignore him, we truly do have an enemy who wanders about seeking to destroy us (1 Peter 5:8). He’s also very good at what he does. Primarily, he is a liar. In fact, Jesus calls him the “father of lies” in John 8:44. Yet even though we know his words cannot be trusted, we still find ourselves falling into his traps. Why? Because in many cases, his words match our feelings. We find ourselves in pain and this “evidence” seems to “prove” him right when he says things like,
“God doesn’t love you.”
and
“This is never going to end.”
When we receive a cancer diagnosis, when depression hits hard, when a news report triggers you, these poisonous darts shoot from the Enemy’s lips and lodge themselves in our hearts, spreading their death to our minds, thoughts, and actions. It is at this moment when Satan delivers his one-two punch.
If God really loved you, He would have protected you. This should never have happened to you. How can you trust a God who allows bad things to happen to good people?
This pain you feel right now is never going away. This is your new normal. You thought you were making progress, but you’re kidding yourself. You will never be happy. Every time you take a step forward God is going to push you right back down in the muck.
Sound familiar? And yet Scripture tells us the rain falls on the just and the unjust. Both good and bad things happen to both good and bad people. Of course, this wasn’t God’s original plan. It was Satan who mucked this up in the beginning.
Conveniently, this truth is left out of his narrative. He would rather you believe God is the father of lies, not himself. He wants you to believe God hates you. That God is punishing you for some unknown slight. He knows if he can keep you separated from God, you will never find healing to the point of usefulness. And there is little more powerful than a testimony of redemption to bring glory to God.
Sing praises to the Lord, O you his saints, and give thanks to his holy name. For his anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning. – Psalm 30:4-5 ESV
While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease. – Genesis 8:22 ESV
In these passages, we read God’s promise of balance. Tears and joy. Summer and winter. Seedtime and harvest. All of life is cyclical. So it is with pain and healing. You will have good days and bad days. But if you choose to cling to God through both, He will see you through the darkness into the joy of the morning. A new beginning. A fresh start.
It may seem you will never be happy again. It may feel like all past joys were a mirage. Please, don’t believe these lies. It may be black as midnight now, but God is with you. He will see you through.
Tools for the Fight
God has warned us that our Enemy is a fierce opponent, but He has not left us defenseless. Ephesians 6 details the armor of God we have at our disposal. Without these tools, we are prone to attack and grievous harm.
The first item on the list is the “belt of truth.” How do we “wear” this belt as a tool in our daily lives?
Know what’s true – If you aren’t educated in truth, you will believe anything. Be in God’s Word so you can discern Satan’s lies from God’s still, small voice.
Record what’s true – God knows we have faulty memories. That’s why He told the Israelites to build memorials. We must do the same.
Keep a journal.
Post meaningful Scripture on your walls.
Celebrate what’s true – God also instructed the Israelites to hold feast days throughout the year to remember past victories and moments of deliverance. And so should we!
Celebrate the anniversaries of important days or new steps of courage.
Share victories with trusted people who will rejoice with you and remind you of good times when things look bleak.
Regardless of what the Enemy and your feelings may be telling you, you are not alone! You will overcome and God will receive glory in your triumph. Rest in His promises.
Belonging. Sanctuary. Peace. Home cooked meals. Candlelight. Movie nights. Moonlit streets. The perfect paint color. Safety. Love. The outward expression of an inward self.
Missing my mother is an incomparable ache that will never be filled. But missing home…missing home is something else.
It’s odd, for this wanderer to miss something I’ve never really had. The closest thing to family I found in Atlanta with friends that knit themselves right into my heartstrings. The closest thing to love a glimmer of memory even farther back.
The closest to home, a little, rented cottage with original wood floors and wide white trim. A porch meant for summer nights and a fireplace aglow with candlelight. My first book was birthed there. My second degree began there. My call to women’s ministry gifted there. I came into myself in that tiny, two-bedroom space on Mayfield Drive. And I miss it. More than I can say.
I feel like Captain Jack Sparrow when he said,
Wherever we want to go, we go. That’s what a ship is, you know. It’s not just a keel and hull and a deck and sails. That’s what a ship needs. But what a ship is… what the Black Pearl really is… is freedom.
For Jack, home was the wide expanse of ocean and sunrise, an adventure at every port, and friend to enjoy it with. The Black Pearl gave him that. They had a symbiotic relationship, Jack and Pearl.
For me, home is more than a kitchen and curtains, and furniture and drapes. Home is wholeness, and beauty, and feeling completely at rest with yourself. Home is comfort and laughter, and unconditional love. Home is knickknacks from trips you’ll never forget, and too many people crowded around a table full of food, and a hug you don’t ever want to be let go from.
Nearly every night I sit in a chair chosen by my mom and look at wall color and curtains, flower arrangements and furniture, and it feels like…an echo. This room was her sanctuary. Her comfort. Where she would hide away and read and forget about the world. Pieces of her life surround me in this place and yet the truth of her, the essence of her, the warmth of her is gone. I miss her. A hug from mom always felt like home. And now all I have is her house, a shell, a shadow of what used to be.
My heart aches with longing to belong and I think of that old song,
This world is not my home, I’m just a-passin’ through. My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue. The angels beckon me from Heaven’s open door and I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.
Moses knew what it meant to feel out-of-place. Nehemiah and Daniel too. And none felt more homesick than Jesus Himself. Separated from His father, His glory, His infinite majesty, wrapped in skin and bone, serving the hungry and broken. Homeless in every sense of the word.
I pray one day I’ll have a place to call my own. I dream daily of decorating, and hosting dinner parties, and raising a little girl to love books and music and Jesus as much as I do.
Maybe it’s silly to crave a dinner served on plates I’ve picked out myself. But I think Jesus understands. He told His disciples He was leaving to prepare a place for them. Jesus knew the importance of coming home. He knew His people were about to leave family and friends and possessions to share the Gospel with a world that would reject them. He knew how painful being an alien in a foreign land could feel. So He promised them a home-coming to look forward to.
I may never have the house I look forward to. And if I do, I may find out it’s not all I dreamed it would be. Dreams can be like that sometimes. But one day I’ll see that City on a Hill and know I belong. And you and I will sit at a banquet table fit for our King and together we will celebrate all He is forever. And that…that will feel like home to me.
Notes:
“Feels like Home” lyrics by Randy Newman. Copyright by Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.
