by Donya Dunlap | Jan 17, 2017 | Book Reviews, The Spiritual Life
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about brokenness. If you read my last post, you may have a sense of what I mean by that. Grief does many things to different people, but for me, the one word that best describes how I feel most of the time is broken. I’m not myself. I feel scattered, distracted, unsettled. I find it hard to remember things and the energy that I once depended on to get me through long, busy days is lacking in vibrancy and easily depleted.
Maybe you know how that feels?
Today I’ve had the lyrics to an old Steve Green song running through my mind.
Broken and spilled out
Just for love of you Jesus
My most precious treasure
Lavished on Thee
Broken and spilled out
And poured at Your feet
In sweet abandon
Let me be spilled out
And used up for Thee
It’s a beautiful song and a heartwarming story in Scripture. I remember being touched by the poetic idea of my life being spilled out for Jesus when I first heard it sung in church. But real brokenness isn’t always beautiful. It’s messy and complicated and uncomfortable. It makes you cry at inopportune moments and wonder if life will ever be the same again.
The Provision and the Problem
In The Broken Way: A Daring Path into the Abundant Life by Ann Voskamp, she repeats a conversation she had with her husband, a farmer. On a day when she was feeling especially fragile, he spoke these words to her:
The seed breaks to give us the wheat. The soil breaks to give us the crop, the sky breaks to I’ve us the rain, the wheat breaks to give us the bread. And the bread breaks to give us the feast. There was once even an alabaster jar that broke to give Him all he glory. Never be afraid of being a broken thing.
But isn’t that just the problem? We accept pain will come to us all at some point. Life and death are inseparable. Love and grief are too. Success and failure. Abundance and loss. All sides of this same coin of existence. So why then is it so hard to admit that we’re hurting? That we don’t have it all together?
I think it’s because we are afraid. Afraid to be seen as weak. Of being judged for our messy emotions. Afraid people can’t be trusted to handle our fragile hearts carefully. Afraid of greater pain, deeper loss, wider shame.
So we stuff our feelings and every day we’re “fine” when on the inside we’re crying or raging or simply lost. We plaster a smile and save our tears for the shower so no one knows just how broken we really are.
The Broken Way
Ann offers another path. One of healing and communion. Of honest prayers and united hearts. She offers the broken way—leaning into the suffering of Christ and thereby entering into the suffering of His followers. And it all begins by admitting your own need.
Before we can be honest with others, we must be honest with God and ourselves. Are you angry? Tell God why. Are you confused? Confess to Him that you don’t understand. And then give yourself grace. Take a nap. Write your feelings in a journal. Call a friend you know can handle someone ugly crying on the other end of the phone.
You don’t have to be afraid
Does this sound unChristian to you? Possibly selfish? I know I worry about being a burden to others or dragging them down into my pit of despair, but again, Ann offers another perspective. She says we don’t have to be afraid of our brokenness because in this sharing of hearts we find community. Friendship. Intimacy. Healing.
There is no fellowship for brokenhearted believers while protecting others from our own brokenness—because we are the fellowship of the broken…and fellowship happens in the brokenness. The miracle happens in the breaking.
So be aware…the next time you ask how I’m doing, I might just tell you. And the next time I see you faking a smile, I might just push a little back. Because we are all in this life together. We need each other…even though we might not want to admit it sometimes. And if you find yourself feeling fragile too, I encourage you to get The Broken Way. To quote dear Kathleen Kelly, “read it with a box of kleenex.” But do read it.
by Donya Dunlap | Jan 13, 2017 | The Spiritual Life
A few months ago I was asked to volunteer for Passion 2017, a conference for 18-25 year olds who want to draw closer to Jesus. Since my first, life-changing encounter with the Passion movement in 2012, I have wanted to take part in this event. I was thrilled God worked out my holiday travel plans to allow for the extra few days in the south. I had a few reservations about jumping into such a big event after being out of the loop of service for so many months, but I assured myself it would be just like riding a bike.
Except it wasn’t.
In times past, serving at events and conferences in any capacity was one of my favorite things. And of all the conferences I’ve known, the Passion Conference has been the most integral to my spiritual growth—albeit digitally and not in person. So you can imagine my dismay as January 2nd drew closer and closer and my heart still felt as empty as it has since my mom passed away. How could I pour out to others when I had nothing from which to give?
Words of wisdom from my Elijah friend
During that first early morning drive to the Georgia Dome, I confessed to my friend I didn’t think I could do it. The desire was there, but my emotional and spiritual reserves were gone. I don’t recall her exact words, but she spoke from a well of understanding grief and pain. She knew exactly how I felt—a comfort in itself.
She told me not to worry if I had lost my spark. It is still inside and will return when the time is right. She encouraged me to do what I could, but not to feel a pressure to perform or hold myself to a standard of past accomplishments. She reminded me that living in grace means accepting yourself and others as they are. I shouldn’t fear condemnation or reproach for not measuring up, but should simply take the next step and walk through the door God had opened.
As I walked toward registration, the anxiety I had been feeling melted away. In the first door holder meeting, tears streamed down my face as the worship leaders guided the crowd of volunteers in preparatory praise. I prayed the Holy Spirit would do what I could not. I prayed for physical endurance, emotional strength, and supernatural ability. God answered my prayer.
Just enough
I never felt a surge of power or the voice of God telling me everything would be okay. There was no mighty, rushing wind of confidence. Just enough strength to do the next thing. Unpack the boxes. Organize the shelves. Smile encouragement to the frazzled leader. Speak grace. Keep moving. Answer questions. Engage with students. Rejoice in rescued children, salvation testimonies, and open hearts.
Every moment I needed to pour out energy, ignore the screaming muscles in my legs, and do the work of the ministry, I had what I needed. Not an overflow, but enough.
Rest and reflection
Upon the conclusion of Passion 2017 and my seven week skip-the-holidays tour, I returned to Michigan exhausted. In taking time to rest and reflect I’ve thought much of the widow of Zarephath in 1 Kings 17. I’m sure she would have felt more secure with cupboards full of groceries, just as I have often felt secure in my abilities and talents. But sometimes God sends famine into our lives to draw us near to Himself.
Dependence isn’t easily learned. Without the famine, there would have been no need. And without dependence, there would have been no miracle. And though it felt more like desperation than a spiritual breakthrough, God carrying me though those three days of service was every bit a miracle.
Empty but oh so full
In my lack, I have discovered what it means to lean into the Spirit on a whole new level. It’s one thing to pray for Spirit filling as a boost to your natural accomplishments. It’s something else to need His help to put one foot in front of the other.
In reality, though our talents are given by God to be used by God, they can become idols that replace God in our lives. I know I’ve been guilty of this. In the stripping bare of my life this year, I’ve learned what no sermon could ever teach me. It is the paradox of 2 Corinthians 12:10:
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient of you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
It’s a lesson I keep encountering over and over again. I am enough in my brokenness, my pain, my weakness, my emptiness, my portion of talents—not because what I have is sufficient, but because He is. He never expects us to have it all together. Perfectionism is a burden man has invented, not God. Jesus is all in all so we don’t have to be.
I still worry at times that I’ll be rejected as not good enough. But Passion reminded me that if I take my little, empty pot of oil to Jesus, He will provide and sustain. And in the process, He is making me into a vessel fit for the miraculous. Only an empty pot has room for Him.
by Donya Dunlap | Nov 29, 2016 | The Spiritual Life
Advent.
We’ve all been there.
Not just waiting for Christmas. Waiting for the husband, the doctor, the child. Waiting for the job offer, the acceptance letter, the validation that who you are is enough.
We look to the future with expectant hope, willing God’s plan to align with our own. But advent is more than unwrapping our wishes at the end of a season.
Advent is an arrival, but it is also a becoming. A transformation of who I am into who God means for me to be—a watching for the miracle on the horizon. Advent is preparing hearts to receive the glory of heaven.
We think of Mary, eagerly waiting to be joined to her future husband. Planning her wedding day unaware of the dramatic interruption her life is to receive.
Greetings, O favored one, the Lord is with you…Behold, you will conceive in your womb and bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the most High. And the Lord God will give to him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and of his kingdom there will be no end. – Luke 1:28-33
Her response?
Amen. “Let it be.”
Amen
How would her virgin body carry a child? She didn’t know. Would Joseph still take her as his bride? She didn’t know. Would her family believe her story? She didn’t know.
She simply trusted, watching to see what God would do next.
Amen. “Let it be to me according to your word.”
Mary stepped into her role as mother of the Messiah with grace. She embodied advent. I doubt she felt prepared or especially equipped to raise the Son of God, but she submitted her plans to her Holy Father’s wishes and became blessed among all women.
You may feel equally ill-equipped to face the challenges ahead of you. The task may seem too big, too important to be given to someone with your personality or your limited resources. You echo Mary’s words, “how will this be?” You know intellectually that “nothing will be impossible with God” yet you know for a fact there is a whole mess of things impossible for you.
The beauty of advent is our expectation of what God will do, not His expectations placed on our already over-burdened lives. He simply invites us to journey with him in watchful joy.
The advent journey is one of miracles and majestic beings breaking into darkness with light and song. It is about beauty and love and a fierce protection of purity and humility. Advent is the amen—the exchange of your plans for God’s surprises. The relinquishing of your hesitations for God’s adventure of a lifetime. All He asks for is your hand.
“Let it be.”
by Donya Dunlap | Oct 31, 2016 | Bible Study, The Spiritual Life
This psalm is labeled a lament, but it also contains praise and prophecy. The passage is longer than most at 24 verses, but is worth the time and consideration.
Verses 1-5
David pleads with the Lord to protect and deliver him using language that has become quite familiar. He seeks refugee in the Lord, his Rock, Fortress, and Refuge.
But the most important part of David’s request is his concern for God’s glory. The world knows David trusts in God to deliver him, and while God can do as He pleases, David asks God to not allow him to be disgraced, but to be lead and guided by the name of the Lord.
God’s glory is not always our first concern when faced with difficult circumstances, but following David’s example in making it a part of our regular prayers can only make a positive difference in our outlooks.
Verses 6-8
God is a jealous God who despises idol worship. Such false religions have corrupted Israel in the past and will again after David’s reign. However, David trusts in the Lord and rejoices in God’s goodness to him. The road has not been easy, but David knows God was with him in the hard times. He is in a spacious place because God has worked in his life.
Verses 9-13
These words of David paint a vivid picture of his struggle and the future struggle of Jesus on the cross. He speaks of being exhausted from angry sorrow and grief. David’s strength has failed him because of his sinfulness—Jesus’ from carrying the sin of the world on the cross. Verse 5 is quoted by Jesus as His last words.
Father, into Your hands I entrust my spirit. – Luke 23:45
David made many mistakes, but there is no doubt the Holy Spirit was active in his life, often guiding his pen, and certainly using him for God’s glory.
Verses 14-18
David again asks the Lord to deliver him from his enemies. He asks that the wicked be disgraced and brought to the grave, but that he will be saved by the favor of the Lord.
Verses 19-22
There are times when we all feel cut off from the Lord. David was no exception. But he reminds us that God stores up goodness for His children. He is a generous father. Perhaps the most comforting thought David ever penned is verses 19-20.
How great is Your goodness that You have stored up for those who fear You and accomplished in the sight of everyone for those who take refuge in You. You hide them in the protection of Your presence; You conceal them in a shelter from the schemes of men, from quarrelsome tongues.
We may feel separated from God, but we are never alone. There is no safer place that the presence of the Lord.
Verses 23-24
It is a dangerous thing for a Christian to believe his own press. But shying away from success is an equally dangerous element of pride. David offers the right balance in his closing words. Love the Lord and be courageous in Him. God is to be our hope, our joy, and the source of our success. If we keep our eyes on Him, He is glorified by our success. Otherwise, we are in danger of a great fall.
This post is Day 31 of the 31 Days of Journaling through the Psalms series. If you would like to read the first post, Psalm 1: The Wise and the Wicked, click here. The introduction to the series can be found here.
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by Donya Dunlap | Oct 30, 2016 | Bible Study, The Spiritual Life
The inscription before Psalm 30 indicates it is a “dedication song for the house,” meaning the House of the Lord. We know David was prohibited from building the temple, but he could have written this song in anticipation of its being built. It is also possible that the song was written for a special dedication of the tabernacle. The information given is not sufficient to make any lasting conclusions.
Verses 1-3
This psalm of thanksgiving opens with an explanation of David’s praise. The Lord spared David from his enemies, brought healing, and spared David from death. These things remind us of other psalms where David specifically requested help from the Lord. Now David is thanking God for answering his prayers.
Verses 4-5
David encourages all of God’s people to sing His praises. He doesn’t sugar-coat the hard times. Verse 5 acknowledges tears and times when God must discipline His children. However, God’s anger is short and His favor is long.
There are times when we will weep through the night, but there is joy after mourning. This is so encouraging to me as I think of this season of grieving my family is walking through. Every reminder, every birthday, every holiday brings tears. Nothing will ever again be as it was. But it won’t remain as it is either.
God desires joy for our lives. Every night fades to morning eventually, and for the Christian, God promises our mourning will turn to dancing in time.
Verses 6-10
Verses 6 and 7 reveal David’s high and low in a nutshell. When God was showing him favor, David was unstoppable. He didn’t think he could ever fall. But fall he did. When God turned away from David in his sin, he was terrified. Everything changed for him.
This is a vital lesson for all of us. We must realize our success is God’s favor. Yes, we work hard and do right, but God gives the increase. When we think it’s all because of what we have done, God no longer receives the glory. We start taking shortcuts and lose favor just like David did. The result? Destruction.
Verses 11-12
Thankfully, God is eager to grant forgiveness and restore relationships.
You turned my lament into dancing, You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, so that I can sing to You and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise You forever.
David brought his grief upon himself with sin. But sometimes, God brings us into seasons of grief and loss for no reason—or at least not for any sin on our part. People get cancer, economies crash, criminals steal and destroy. All of these things can rob us of our joy.
Grief is devastating, but it is not forever. It seems impossible at times, but you will discover joy after mourning. God will remove the sackcloth on your heart. He will cause you to sing once more. He will ensure laughter bubbles within you again. Keep your hope in God. He will sustain you and bring you through the darkness into His eternal sunshine.
He has promised to never leave us or forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). He didn’t for David when he chose adultery and murder, and He won’t for us. No matter the sin, grace is enough.
This post is Day 30 of the 31 Days of Journaling through the Psalms series. If you would like to read the first post, Psalm 1: The Wise and the Wicked, click here. The introduction to the series can be found here.
To receive email reminders of new posts, please subscribe. As a thank you, you will receive a free ebook, The Wonder Woman’s Manifesto.
by Donya Dunlap | Oct 29, 2016 | Bible Study, The Spiritual Life
In this three part psalm, David gives instruction to the “heavenly beings.” Does he mean angels? Stars? Creatures made in the likeness of God? Regardless of the intended recipient, we will all do well to follow his lead.
Verses 1-2
As mentioned before, Yahweh is the personal name of God given to His people meaning “the eternal, self-existent one, the “I Am.” To this One we are to ascribe (or give credit to) glory and strength. He is due our praise. He deserves our worship for “the splendor of His holiness.”
Verses 3-9
David expounds on this “splendor” in the next six verses focusing only on the voice of Yahweh.
His voice is above the waters, reminding us of Creation when the earth was yet without form. His voice is earthquake like in its power, making the cedars of Lebanon break and mountains skip like a calf. The voice of Yahweh flashes fire, shakes the wilderness, and causes the deer to give birth and the seasons to change.
Our only response should be “glory” (verse 9). Not complaint. Not petition. Simply praise to God for who He is and all He does. If we are to serve Him and love Him, we must bow to Him.
Verses 10-11
The closing verses provide an interesting contrast. Breaking it down we begin with
The Lord sat enthroned at the flood.
The HCSB notes state the word for “flood” used here is used only when referring to the universal flood of Genesis 7-8. In creation and in destruction, God reigns supreme. Verse 10b says,
The Lord sits enthroned, King forever.
He is above all and controls all. As King, He has the right to do with His kingdom and His subjects anything He wishes.
We often think of a person with this kind of power as a tyrant, because power corrupts those with an already sin-bent nature. God is not a tyrant. He is a good and gentle King.
The Lord gives His people strength; the Lord blesses His people with peace.
God is Holy. He judges His creation rightly. And because of this, he wiped out the early generations with a flood. In the end, He will destroy all remaining evil with fire. His holiness demands purity. But His love thrills in doing good for His children. He gives those that love Him strength and peace.
Yahweh is not cruel. He is just and a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).
This post is Day 29 of the 31 Days of Journaling through the Psalms series. If you would like to read the first post, Psalm 1: The Wise and the Wicked, click here. The introduction to the series can be found here.
To receive email reminders of new posts, please subscribe. As a thank you, you will receive a free ebook, The Wonder Woman’s Manifesto.
