Trauma has a way of distorting perceptions. Instead of trusting that others have good intentions and desire to bless you, you become suspicious and believe people are out to get you. When good things happen, you find yourself tensing up, waiting for the “shoe to drop” or the “tables to turn.” When someone expresses love, you wonder what their angle is, afraid of being taken advantage of or hurt.
Sometimes this is hard to see in yourself, but Scripture gives us examples to help us learn. In the first chapter of Deuteronomy, Moses reminds this new generation of all they and their parents had been through during the 40 years since they left the back-breaking slavery of Egypt. He shares how the people asked for spies to scope out the land before entering it and how they returned with proof of “the good land that the Lord our God is giving us.” You would think the people would have been thrilled. But as is often the case when you’ve experienced trauma, the people focused on the obstacles and the giants in the land. They said,
“Because the Lord hated us he has brought us out of the land of Egypt, to give us into the hands of the Amorites, to destroy us.”
Deuteronomy 1:27
Was their thinking true? Did God hate them? No!
Moses responded,
“Do not be in dread or afraid of them. The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place.”
Deuteronomy 1:29-31
The Lord brought the Israelites out of Egypt because he loved them and wanted good things for them. He protected them from Pharaoh’s army and provided food and water for them. He led them with a pillar of cloud and fire through the wilderness. He prepared a beautiful country for them to inhabit. He was like a parent on Christmas morning, eager for His children to open all their specially chosen gifts.
God is the same way with you, but it may be difficult for you to see Him with such clarity. It may seem like God is out to get you, that He’s mad at you, or simply putting up with you because Jesus died for you so He has to love you. Those are all common responses of someone who has been through trauma and has, in some measure, transferred the blame for the bad things that a person did onto God.
“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”
A.W. Tozer
If you believe God hates you, you’re going to have a hard time loving Him and you’ll probably do everything you can to avoid Him. What you believe about God will directly impact every aspect of your life. The good news is…
You can change your habits of thinking!
On those days when I feel like I am all alone and the weight of the world is on my shoulders, I use a tool psychologists call “reframing” and Jesus people call “preaching truth to yourself.” I first heard about this technique in a wonderful sermon titled, “The Troubled Soul, by C.J. Mahaney. You can listen to it by following this link to YouTube. I find it most helpful when I practice reframing with pen and paper, but you don’t have to use anything if you don’t want to.
How to Practice Reframing
State the Problem
Reframing is simple. You acknowledge what you are thinking and feeling in an honest and non-judgmental way. You don’t beat yourself up, you simply state the problem.
“I am so discouraged. I feel like God isn’t listening to my prayers and I’m going to be stuck in this terrible situation forever.”
Speak Truth
After admitting how you feel, remind yourself that feelings come and go, but God’s truth is a solid rock you can stand on no matter what storm is swirling around you. Take apart the problem piece by piece and remind yourself what is actually true.
“I know that discouragement is a tool of Satan to get my eyes off God and on myself. God always listens to my prayers and answers them in a way that is for my good and His glory. He is for me and He is always working on my behalf. It’s okay to feel sad or upset because God understands I am human. But I will feel better if I surrender this situation to God and trust Him to bring good out of this problem in His time and in His way.”
Apply Scripture
To take the exercise even further, write out Scripture that applies to your situation and any application you can make to your thoughts and feelings.
“Deuteronomy 1:29-31 reminds me that I don’t have to be afraid or feel alone. God is always with me and He is fighting on my behalf. He will carry me through this situation and provide the best solution for me because He is a good Father and He loves me more than I can even imagine. I can trust Him to lead me through this wilderness into a good land He has chosen for me.”
The next time you believe God hates you or even might not really like you all that much, try this reframing exercise and see what happens. If you’re a journal keeper, you may want to record all of this in your journal and follow up with a second entry when God reveals how He has been working in your life.
Let me know what you think about reframing! I’d love to hear from you.