Forgetting the Fairy Tale

Chapter 1

“Once upon a time.” Isn’t that how all of the great stories begin? “Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess.” Now let’s be honest. Who hasn’t dreamed of becoming royalty? The magnificent castle, the devoted servants, the fabulous, designer-made dresses, the glimmering jewels and, of course, the shoes! You and I have been raised on such stories. The princess may be trapped in a gilded cage of luxury and loneliness, or perhaps she is wandering the streets, penniless and unaware of the drama that is about to unfold in her life. Regardless of how the story begins, we all know the end. Somehow, someway, our princess is rescued by her knight in shining armor, and they live happily ever after. [sigh]

It’s a dream come true—or so we hope—for at some point in the story, the beautiful princess has taken on our features. Suddenly, it is our slippered feet that are gliding across the ballroom floor, and it is our gloved hand resting in the grasp of the prince. We spin underneath a canopy of stars, breathe in the sweet-smelling fragrance of roses and jasmine, and believe that all our worries are behind us. The story eventually ends, but it continues to live on in our hearts. We grow up dreaming of that magical day when we will meet “the one”—the man of our dreams. We picture the days to follow being filled with flowers, moonlight kisses, and perfect happiness. We imagine walking down a candlelit aisle, strewn with rose petals and flanked on either side with our friends and family. The rings are exchanged, I do’s are said, and the cake is cut, and we ride off into the sunset to begin our own happily ever after.

But then, one day, we’re finishing high school, or we’re struggling to get through college, or maybe we are establishing a career, and harsh reality jolts us out of our reverie. No rose petals, no wedding bells, and not the first sign of a knight on the horizon. We begin to wonder, is there something wrong with us? Do we need to try harder? Has God failed us? Our hope fades, our dreams die, and disillusionment and bitterness, cynicism, desperation, depression, and discontent take up residence in the halls of our hearts.

Untold numbers of little girls wake up as grown women with their dreams in shattered pieces at their feet. I could introduce you to woman after woman whose lives are in ruins today because of a fairy tale. Some women hold tightly to their dreams and do what they feel necessary to make the fairy tale come true. They set aside their values and convictions, their personal preferences, and sometimes even their identities to become that perfect catch. They lie to themselves, their families, friends, and boyfriends to get their special day—and unfortunately, it works. They get the white dress, stringed quartet, and perfectly cut diamond, but at what cost? They find themselves married to men that don’t really know them at all, and often, men that did their share of lying too. At best, these relationships are filled with disappointment and heartache. Worst case scenarios include abuse, neglect, fornication, divorce, and suicide.

Other women choose the single life out of fear and self-defense. They build walls around their heart to avoid that familiar sting of pain, perhaps caused earlier in their lives by abuse, ridicule, or rejection. Holiday after holiday goes by, and there are no special deliveries for them. No romantic dinners, no promises of undying love, and no little black boxes. They didn’t want this life. It was thrust upon them—or so they choose to believe. They are victims in a cruel and lonely world. They blame everyone around them for their life choices and radiate insecurity, jealousy, and bitterness. The once tender heart of the dreamer has become hardened and wrapped in the protective coverings of feminist mantras and an ever-looping track of “I Will Survive” on their MP3 players.

Some women get caught up in their fairy tale romance, only to lose their childish fantasies in one reckless moment. Their innocence and sweet spirit is seemingly stolen from them overnight. Soon they discover that they no longer have the luxury of living like a child, for in a few short months, they are going to be responsible for a child themselves. For a time it seems storybook perfect. He is charming and handsome and such a gentleman! He whispers that he will be there forever. He vows his love—until the day the drug store test comes back positive.

There are still other women who seem to have it all together. They are sweet and submissive to their authorities. They are involved in church; they have their Sunday school awards and their Bible club trophies scattered about their bedrooms; and they wouldn’t think of doing anything to shame themselves or their families. They may even elevate themselves above those around them who seem to flounder in the midst of their life choices. They are so stable, in fact, that while they live in complete mental acknowledgement of God, their daily decisions are made within the realm of their own experience and self-assurance. They meet a man that will provide them with the companionship they desire and the security they need, and without thought to what God might have in mind for their future, they plunge ahead. Along the way, they might nod to those who raise red flags of warning, but out of personal pride and fear of what others may think of them should they choose a different way, they continue on their path to destruction.

And then there are women who rush, rush, rush from morning to night, filling their lives with every possible relationship and amusement. They are terrified of being alone, and so they mingle. They have their boy next door, the workplace flirtation, and a list of backup prospects. They feed off the attention of those around them and even imagine admirers in the crowd when there aren’t any to be found—exaggerating the motive behind glances in their direction to boost their own egos. They are the life of the party and are far too busy to listen to the warnings of their soul. They can’t pause to heed the gentle stirrings, for they have that next thing to get to, and who knows? Prince Charming might be right around the corner! They are always running, always searching, and never finding peace.

These women and countless others each have different personalities, insecurities, and motives, but they all share the same heartache when they lie awake at night; the joy, peace, security, and contentment that they imagined for themselves which died with their childhood. Their horizons are no longer shimmering with the sunshine of love. They have no hope of better things to come. Their thoughts are filled with two main questions: How did I get into this mess, and how do I get out?

It is for these woman and many more that I sit at my computer to write. My heart breaks at the sight of other hearts breaking around me, and I can’t keep silent anymore. I have spoken to women in the pit of despair and read blog entries of dear sisters in Christ who are being crushed in the vise of depression. They can barely go on, because they don’t have a man to help them. Their thoughts and lives are consumed with what God has not seen fit to give them. They are desperate for attention, acceptance, and love, and my heart aches for them. Do I have it altogether? No. Absolutely not. I struggle too. I hate dealing with car mechanics that want to steal my money because I can’t tell the difference between a carburetor and an oil pump. I have days of self-pity and doubt over whether or not I’m “good enough” to get married. I’ve caught myself acting foolishly to catch the attention of a man. I’ve thought that my life was as good as over when a relationship fell apart.

Ladies, I don’t have all the answers, but I can tell you that I have found true love in the One that does. Every day I fall more in love with my Savior, and with that love comes peace and security that women around me only dream about. Do I wish that I could fall asleep with my husband’s strong arms around me, protecting me from the scary sounds of the night? Sure I do. Is my life a disaster because I don’t have that husband? No, it is not. Would I love to be picking out flowers and music for my wedding day? Absolutely—but not at the expense of my relationship with Christ and my future with Him.

Society tells me that my body needs to look a certain way, and I need to act a certain way and dress a certain way to gain and keep a man’s attention. Love isn’t portrayed as a gift from God and a self-sacrificing relationship between two individuals who hold the other in higher esteem than they hold themselves. To the world, love is a game of wit and wiles. Movies are full of lust and longing. Magazines entice readers with articles on “how to catch him and keep him”  and “what drives men wild.” Even music will tell you that “you’re nobody until somebody loves you.” Friend, I am writing to tell you that Someone does love you. In fact, He loves you so deeply that He died a cruel and shameful death in order to have a relationship with you. There is One that longs to talk to you and ease your fears. There is One that deeply desires to bless you with peace of mind and security in who He created you to be. It is my hope that by the time we finish this journey together, you will look at Christ in a whole new way. He is not only the Savior of all mankind, but He is the lover of your soul. He understands you more than you understand yourself and accepts you as you are.

The Great Deceiver would like you to believe that God wants you to be lonely and miserable and that you will never be happy if you surrender your future to Him, but we don’t have to listen to his lies! God’s desire is to set us free. Free from our misplaced affections. Free from our fears. Free from the captivity of our minds and protection from the daily onslaught of the worldview. As the Prophet Jeremiah said so many, many years ago:

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. And I will be found of you, saith the Lord: and I will turn away your captivity.

Look around you. Spend a few minutes at a food court or in an airport, and you will quickly realize that heartache is an epidemic. Of course, you have to look beyond the perfectly made-up faces and the fabulous costumes that everyone puts on before facing the world each morning. People pretend so much that the line between reality and make-believe is often indistinguishable, even to the one playing the part. At the ball game, at the grocery store, at the restaurant, look around you. Look into the eyes of the waitresses, the cashiers, the shoppers, the couple at the table beside you. What do you see? Worry. Loneliness. Bitterness. Desperation. Frustration. Emptiness. Disappointment. Despair. Hopelessness. Fear. Pain. Now look in the mirror. What do you see? How did it happen? It all began with a fairy tale.

Order your copy of Forgetting the Fairy Tale today!

Available in paperback and ebook formats at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or Tate Publishing.