I have hesitated in the past about publishing anything on this topic out of the fear of soundy too soap-boxy (for lack of a better term). However, I had a lovely talk with an old friend this weekend and this topic was broached, stirring up all sorts of little boxes I have stored in my “pet peeves” closet. If you know me at all, you know I have a hard time keeping my little pets in obedient and silent compliance after such an event–thus the blog post.

I could discuss in length various grievences that I have with the way singles are treated–maybe that will be book two. For now, I want to communicate just one basic thing to anyone that has contact with, is related to, or has a ministry for single people. We are single, not contagious. We don’t need to be fixed, counseled or made aware of our singleness, nor do we appreciate being treated as someone carrying a deadly and communicable disease. We don’t care who you know that would be just the perfect cure to put our singleness into remission. We are single–not sick, not broken, not diseased, not emotionally stunted, not incapable of love, not avoiding the inevitable, not afraid of committment, not miserable, not desperate, not waiting by our phones with bated breath–we’re just single. Period.

I usually try to remind myself that those who try to doctor the situation are really well-meaning individuals who just have no idea what it’s like to be single and so deserve an extra dose of grace when they say stupid and sometimes offensive things out of a desire for us “to just be happy.” However, I have been giving such grace for a number of years now and my grace tank is running low. So with an attitude of full disclosure and with a heart that really does desire to help others, I’d like to share with you a couple passages of Scripture that have benefited me and will hopefully be a help to both those who interact with singles on a regular basis, or singles who struggle with their singleness. After all, everyone has their moments!

James 1:17 reads, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” There is no exception clause to this verse. God gives to His children every good thing and at just the time they need it. That means, if I desire something that I believe is a good thing and God hasn’t given it to me yet, I must trust Him to know what is best for my life and submit to Him in the knowledge that I don’t always know what is best but He does. My heavenly Father wants the very best for my life and I know that if it is His will for me (or your single friend) to be married, then it is only a matter of time before He will bring it to pass. Until then worrying about it, being overly focused on it or manipulating situations to change my marital status will only bring about stife, discontentment and other forms of evil that God does not desire for my life. We must follow the example of Paul in learning to be content in whatever state we find ourselves in, trusting the Lord to work out His will in His timing. (Philippians 4:11)

Another oft neglected passage of scripture that is worthy of consideration is 1 Corinthians 7. I won’t include the whole chapter within this blog, but I encourage you to read it for yourself. Paul clearly states that while marriage can be a good thing and it certainly isn’t a bad thing, there are several disadvantages to it that single people don’t have to face. Those who are married must think of their spouse above other things. This, by default, limits their ability to serve Christ in some ways. Single people are more flexible to serve on the mission field, minister in youth groups, attend Bible studies, etc. where as married people have their spouses and children to serve first as their main ministry. The works of God are secondary, as God designed them to be, holding up the home as the first sacred institution. A single person has a chance to be undivided in their service to Christ, which can be a wonderful thing, especially if they receive support from others in the ministry and are not looked down upon or shunned because of their marital status.

There are other examples I could list, but I will leave it at this for now. What I hope to accomplish with this post is a little understanding and open-mindedness. If you know a single and have found it difficult to have a relationship with them, try to focus less on making them like you and more on appreciating them for who they are. They have hopes and desires and dreams just like you. Many singles want to be married and have children some day and having others constantly point out the fact that they aren’t there yet and here is what they need to do to “fix it” only aggrevates an already tender feeling that they must deal with on a regular basis. Get to know your single friend one-on-one. Don’t take them out for coffee to butter them up to babysit for you. Just go out and talk, learn from each other, benefit from seeing the world through their eyes, put yourself in their shoes and love them for them. No face masks or hand sanitizer needed.